Good Guys Are Not Extinct

A good friend of mine and I were gchatting yesterday and we were catching up after a couple weeks.  We did the usual, "so what's new?" type of conversation just to get each other up to speed.  We typically ask about how work (school for me) is going, some of our mutual friends, music and how dating life is going.  We have similar stories in some ways having been "single" for a little while and have been playing the field.  We've laughed about similar dating successes/defeats and we both seem to just "get" each other's situations.  It's nice.

So he, being a guy, is a good sounding board and I'd hope that I can be the same for him.  Yesterday he was talking to me about this post he read about the state of emergency that is the "lack of quality Twenty-Something men".  I wasn't sure if I should be alarmed, or if I should take a hint that he was telling me to read this.

The girl who submitted the question to the Relationship Blogger in "Are Women Doomed?" actually had a boyfriend, but is asking on behalf of her single friends.  While that irks me I do like about one sentence of her "question":

"(referring to: what leads many women to compromise their standards a great deal just to, at best, secure a male partner who will most likely not meet them intellectually, professionally, and emotionally): I have been through this cycle personally and watch many of my friends continue to be let down or treated so poorly all in the name of young men thinking they can do better without having to try very hard at all."

So what is nice to know, is that there are other Twenty-Something women out there that are who have been passed over by guys that they like, despite being an awesome catch.  What we've known for a long time is boys will be boys, and the age of the men we're interested in is in some senses a glorified version of adolescence.

Don't get me wrong, I actually like the playful nature of the guys I've been interested in who are in their later 20's, but this "thinking they can do better" thing can be tough to navigate.  In all fairness I think that goes both ways.  We women also think we can do better, and in some cases this is definitely true.  As you know I'm anti-settling.

The response from the Relationship Expert pointed out that she doesn't think that much has changed, or that women are at more of a disadvantage than they used to be.  She argues that we'd be remiss to dismiss the benefits of having women who are educated, discerning, able to have careers, live on their own, and still be viable at say 28 (she uses her age)...all for the ease of finding a guy.  I totally agree.  I'd much rather have the opportunity to nail down a career that feels important to me, what I spend literally 24% of my week doing...and get to "nailing down" a guy once my career is stable.

But with that said, gals like me who are working on their career and haven't settled down with a significant other, need to accept this.  Starting a family later is not the end of the world, and may well result in better marriages for us and a stronger sense of self given the longer time to individuate and grow.   That isn't to say that women who find "the one" early and move forward in that sense are wrong by any means, but, for those of us who stress about finding the one, we just need to learn some patience or date guys who are in their mid-thirties.

The original story that was quoted in the article that my friend sent me was on the Wall Street Journal called "Where Have the Good Men Gone?".  This gives a nice in depth look at some of the factors that may contribute to the extinction of the ready to have a committed relationship, and put down the PS2 controller twenty-something guy.  

Ladies, take this all with a grain of salt.  If it helps you to feel better about why you are (or are not) single, then, go for it.  If it makes you feel pessimistic and hopeless, then I'd say disregard it.  

As for the men who probably won't even read this, but in the off chance you do...have your fun, take trips to Vegas with your college boys, but don't forget about what you want long term.  Your friends will (or already have started to) wise up and settle down. It is important to keep in mind so you don't end up 37, sitting alone on a Saturday (or even a Tuesday) night watching TV, thinking it might be a good idea to call the local chat line for singles in your area.  

Maybe that fun/cute/smart/funny girl you've been "talking to", that you typically might pass over for something more, is just what you'll need and want.

Anyway, I thought the posts were interesting, and were shown to me by a guy friend no less. He's actually one of the good ones...so I know first hand his kind isn't extinct (maybe just an endangered species?)!

Until next time,
E