Apparently I need to be less type A. More like A-.
I haven't talked about therapy in a while because fankly there hasn't been much reason to. Mostly I've been working through all of the adjustments you know about in terms of working and living and moat recently, car shopping.
Now that the bulk of that is settled, or at least on the trajectory that they need to be, what is left?
Well, relationships. This keeps resurfacing.
We did some talking about what didn't work in my last relationship and what hasn't been working with the guys I've been dating since.
Overall the theme is mutuality.
Either a guy is interested and I'm not or I'm interested and he is either a) more hung up on his ex than I am on mine b) low and behold has the emotional maturity of the 15 year olds I work with or c) isn't interested in me.
I usually know pretty quickly when things aren't going to work on my end. I clearly see when things are deal breakers for me, and quickly lose interest.
However when my interest and intrigue is captivated, sometimes I hang on too long when there are signs that it may be a dead end (read: he thinks I'm a good time and that's all he's interested in).
I've talked before about my daddy issues and clearly the theme of being avandonded or disappointed is a recurring one, and possibly is why I've learned that I don't need a man.
I don't need anyone.
It's actually a sad sentiment. I thought for a long time that this was a strength. It has helped me to endure some hard times, helped me to get through losses and helped me to survive things beyond my control.
But what it has left me with is the air (and truth) that I don't need Another.
I'm not vulnerable enough to need.
Ipso facto, I need to be more vulnerable.
This flies in the face of wanting to be self sufficient and able to get through anything and protect myself.
Of course I'm not meaning vulnerable like making poor decisions and leaving myself wide open to people I know are bad for me, but instead allowing someone else to see what I need and want versus how stellar and rock solid I am.
"What guy wouldn't want to be needed...even just a little?" My therapist asked.
I guess damsel in distress has proven to work, but I don't see myself even getting to the point where I need a guy to rescue me..but maybe I'd like a little rescuing from time to time. Being the rescuer all the time is exhausting.
We talked about types today. Clearly I'm type A. Dating someone type A is intruguing to me, and tend to be the people I have great chemistry with and butt heads with. probably more realistically type B would do me some good. Balance is key. Maybe they can show me how to better relax and I can show them how to get shit done.
I told her that I get turned off when a guy doesnt have opinions and defaults to me. "wow you are so interesting" makes me feel awkward when I hear it and indicates that they are themselves not so interesting.
I need a guy that is relaxed but has a strong personality and who I view as strong overall and that I respect.
The "nice guy" who fawns over my experiences without having some of his own, is not one I'm intrigued by. The nice guy is typically someone I write off unless I know under the politeness is someone who isn't living to please me, but is instead living to be my equal...and most importantly wants me to be his equal.
"How can someone be equal when you are up here" she asked with her hand in the air, "seems like it would be hard to live up to your expectations. I wonder if it would be hard to be in a relationship with you?".
Ouch. Fair.
We talked about this. She didn't mean hard to be in a relationship with in terms of not being a good girlfriend or being a good person, so much as hard for my boyfriend to live up to what I want and feel I deserve. This is true. Few people have yet to come close.
I'm not really willing to be anyone but myself. If I'm too intense and intimidating then I can justify toning myself down to a type A-. But really only if that type B is a true B and not more like type C. Type C feels like a wrt blanket. Bleh. To each their own but not my cup of tea with milk and honey.
You know what I mean?
Well all on all, tough session. I get her point. I don't disagree that I need to be a bit more vulnerable and let a guy know that he's needed and wanted, and to allow others to do for me...and most importantly to relax a bit...so I'll work on that.
As for the other piece to that puzzle, I'm keeping my eyes and heart open for when he comes into my life or shows himself to me.
Anyone know a true type B (B+ is even better...) who is a little more intriguing and strong willed than white bread and can handle an independent but generous and affectionate lady? Haha. Let me know.
Until next time,
E aka A-
I haven't talked about therapy in a while because fankly there hasn't been much reason to. Mostly I've been working through all of the adjustments you know about in terms of working and living and moat recently, car shopping.
Now that the bulk of that is settled, or at least on the trajectory that they need to be, what is left?
Well, relationships. This keeps resurfacing.
We did some talking about what didn't work in my last relationship and what hasn't been working with the guys I've been dating since.
Overall the theme is mutuality.
Either a guy is interested and I'm not or I'm interested and he is either a) more hung up on his ex than I am on mine b) low and behold has the emotional maturity of the 15 year olds I work with or c) isn't interested in me.
I usually know pretty quickly when things aren't going to work on my end. I clearly see when things are deal breakers for me, and quickly lose interest.
However when my interest and intrigue is captivated, sometimes I hang on too long when there are signs that it may be a dead end (read: he thinks I'm a good time and that's all he's interested in).
I've talked before about my daddy issues and clearly the theme of being avandonded or disappointed is a recurring one, and possibly is why I've learned that I don't need a man.
I don't need anyone.
It's actually a sad sentiment. I thought for a long time that this was a strength. It has helped me to endure some hard times, helped me to get through losses and helped me to survive things beyond my control.
But what it has left me with is the air (and truth) that I don't need Another.
I'm not vulnerable enough to need.
Ipso facto, I need to be more vulnerable.
This flies in the face of wanting to be self sufficient and able to get through anything and protect myself.
Of course I'm not meaning vulnerable like making poor decisions and leaving myself wide open to people I know are bad for me, but instead allowing someone else to see what I need and want versus how stellar and rock solid I am.
"What guy wouldn't want to be needed...even just a little?" My therapist asked.
I guess damsel in distress has proven to work, but I don't see myself even getting to the point where I need a guy to rescue me..but maybe I'd like a little rescuing from time to time. Being the rescuer all the time is exhausting.
We talked about types today. Clearly I'm type A. Dating someone type A is intruguing to me, and tend to be the people I have great chemistry with and butt heads with. probably more realistically type B would do me some good. Balance is key. Maybe they can show me how to better relax and I can show them how to get shit done.
I told her that I get turned off when a guy doesnt have opinions and defaults to me. "wow you are so interesting" makes me feel awkward when I hear it and indicates that they are themselves not so interesting.
I need a guy that is relaxed but has a strong personality and who I view as strong overall and that I respect.
The "nice guy" who fawns over my experiences without having some of his own, is not one I'm intrigued by. The nice guy is typically someone I write off unless I know under the politeness is someone who isn't living to please me, but is instead living to be my equal...and most importantly wants me to be his equal.
"How can someone be equal when you are up here" she asked with her hand in the air, "seems like it would be hard to live up to your expectations. I wonder if it would be hard to be in a relationship with you?".
Ouch. Fair.
We talked about this. She didn't mean hard to be in a relationship with in terms of not being a good girlfriend or being a good person, so much as hard for my boyfriend to live up to what I want and feel I deserve. This is true. Few people have yet to come close.
I'm not really willing to be anyone but myself. If I'm too intense and intimidating then I can justify toning myself down to a type A-. But really only if that type B is a true B and not more like type C. Type C feels like a wrt blanket. Bleh. To each their own but not my cup of tea with milk and honey.
You know what I mean?
Well all on all, tough session. I get her point. I don't disagree that I need to be a bit more vulnerable and let a guy know that he's needed and wanted, and to allow others to do for me...and most importantly to relax a bit...so I'll work on that.
As for the other piece to that puzzle, I'm keeping my eyes and heart open for when he comes into my life or shows himself to me.
Anyone know a true type B (B+ is even better...) who is a little more intriguing and strong willed than white bread and can handle an independent but generous and affectionate lady? Haha. Let me know.
Until next time,
E aka A-
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