Excuse me...

I feel like I get asked things on the street by strangers very frequently...more than the average person.  I guess I have nothing to compare it to because I don't know how often you're stopped on the street, but either way, it feels like a lot.  

Maybe I look really unassuming, or as if I know where I'm going, maybe it's because they see I'm in a rush and know that I need to be slowed down a bit for my own sanity...and for whatever reason today was no exception.  

Typically I get asked for the time, directions, "do you know where XYZ is?" etc, like it was today (twice).  Sometimes it is really random things, or people make a comment about something you both witness.  Recently I was waiting for the train and someone walked by who was dressed, how do you say, like a person who doesn't own a mirror and shops at a costume store?  The guy standing next to me looked at me and said "Ooof, what happened there?".  I laughed and I was glad that my own attire lead him to believe that I'd agree with him.

Many times it's not so much by chance, but you're hunted by those sweet but tortured souls asking for signatures and/or money for causes...

Admittedly they are tricky and have managed to seep into my chest and pull at my heart strings from time to time.

"Excuse me, do you care about starving children?" Um, yeah, obviously.

"Excuse me, do you want the earth to keep being polluted?" No, I'm pro-Earth.

"Excuse me, do you have time to hear about this aweful thing that is going on even though your life is stressful and you listen to awful things all day long for your job?" Okay they don't really say that but essentially that is the message.

Right now my typical response is "I'm sorry...you have a hard job!".  That definitely doesn't answer their questions, and it only minimizes my guilt slightly, as I walk past them and into my coffee shop, book store or CVS. 

Okay well really, if I wasn't a student and had a decent paying job (c'mon May/June...no whammy, no whammy!) there are several causes, I'm sure, I would support without hesitance.  I'm just not sure what those are.

So while I'm not the most educated/cultured/worldly person out there, I'd say I'm educated, I'm a bit cultured and worldly enough that I'm slightly ashamed to say:  I'm not really sure what causes I'd really like to support. 

I do some stuff...I always vote locally, I've written to my local representatives about local issues that come up or issues in legislation that I think are important, I've helped my mom who does a lot for the environmental movement...and I'm sure there are other things, too.

I do secretly (not so secret anymore) wish I was a true NPR snob, I mean buff, because I feel like then I'd really know more about the world, and sound smarter.  But really, I enjoy it and listen in the car or on my Droid NPR app whenever I can (yes even through their annoying week long, now 4 day long, fund raisers).  And, who doesn't love, "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me"?

Anyway, so I would probably support NPR.

So what are other things I find important?

-Health Care - Mental Health - facilities/access/local community support centers, etc

-Environmentally conscious and improving companies, building, technology, etc

-Education/children - but no idea what would be helpful at this point...I have a hard time thinking I want to give money to my undergraduate university or my graduate school, they've gotten enough from me...

-Internationally?  Well there are so many needs even here in the States, and really so many elsewhere I don't know where to start...Some organizations I know about (and importantly I've heard are trustworthy) are Heifer International www.heifer.org and OXFAM International www.oxfam.org. 

I got an email yesterday saying that today was the sign up for Alternative Spring Break which I got totally excited about, I had assumed registration was months ago.  I thought "perfect I can finally do something cool, to help people and go somewhere different!"  Well by 9am this morning all the slots were full.  The good news is there are a lot of people that want to help, the bad news is I'm not going on alternative spring break. I wonder if I should take that as a sign to go away and find a beach somewhere instead?  

I guess by posting this, I'm trying to put out my feelers to see what I want to be involved in, even if it's not monetarily.

What's your cause? I'd like to hear!

Until next time,

E

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Alarm Clocks Are The Devil Part I

I woke up at 8am today. It's a sunny Saturday morning and although I have a lot of work to do for class, I could have slept in.  My eyes flew open and I was awake.  I wondered why this couldn't happen on a Tuesday or Wednesday morning when it seems near impossible to get out of the comfort of my warm bed, when the pillow feels, just right.  I didn't get much more sleep last night than I typically do (I had a low key night and was in bed fairly early), but even on the nights I'm out pretty late, or drink, etc, I still wake up and feel more rested than during the week.

Don't get me wrong, there are mornings I force myself to sleep more on weekends, and there are mornings I sleep until 10 without moving from how I lay down the night before due to maybe one too many beers.  However, overall I wake up early on weekends whereas I could always use another hour  (aka 54 minutes, keep reading you'll understand) or two of sleep on week days.

I think a big component of this is that on weekends it's my time, and I don't have to sit in class and pay attention (or not), I don't have to sit across from a client and listen to their challenges and I don't have to deal with office bull shit and politics.  My weekends I can basically do whatever I want.  I have limited responsibilities in general considering my age, because I currently live off loans, pay monthly bills off loans (have to do this today, mental note don't forget, E!), I work and I go to school, I see my friends when I can, see my family when I can, and otherwise; it's all about me.

So the big areas of my life are objectively, and more importantly are subjectively, great.  Not without some significant and insignificant challenges, but great.

Why then is it so hard to get up in the morning? It's not that I'm not getting enough sleep, it's not that I don't have good days to look forward to, it's not that I'm not excited by the things in my life...so what is it?

Well, clinically, when someone has sleeping challenges (hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, sleeping "too much" or "too little") we tend to think possibly some anxiety and/or depression which might have a stroke of truth with me, but frankly I'm high functioning and don't have many of the key components to these disorders to be clinically unwell, per se...so I'm going to blame it on The Alarm Clock.

My alarm clock is an iHome which has my iPod in it, which hasn't been updated with music in at least a year, thanks to Pandora and the like.  I don't even have the alarm wake me with music because I feel like that might not wake me up.  I have very vivid dreams that I don't know that I'm sleeping. I think that maybe the jarring beeping is the only thing that can shake me out of my slumber sometimes.

But when that alarm goes off, I jump up and use my iHome remote to hit snooze.  Remote.  Yes.  My iHome is placed on the other side of my room so that I have to get up and turn it off, thus getting me out of bed...however, I default to hitting the remote snooze button.  The further problem is the battery on my remote is dying so I have wrestle the remote and press snooze really hard 4 or 5 times to make it snooze.  The BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP in the mean time is enough to make anyone's blood pressure shoot up, yet I somehow manage to sleep for another 9 minutes.

I have in my half-slumber calculated that I know that this gives me almost an hour of 9 minute intervals to snooze (54 minutes).  I have learned this the hard way.  I can not indefinitely "snooze", since the iHome says, "Well screw you, you're going to over sleep after hitting the snooze 6 times".  I guess at that point I deserve it.

I'm embarrassed to say (and probably to my roommate's chagrin - sorry!) most mornings I use the 54 minutes.  It's terrible, I'm not getting good sleep for that last near hour, and I purposefully set my alarm so that I get the "treat" of sleeping more after the alarm goes off.  There is something to the slow waking up process, it's like I know I want to be eased into the "bad news" that is the morning.

I think now that I'm writing this, that I want to change this bad habit.  There are many reasons to jump out of bed in the morning and start a fresh day, like ripping off a bandaid - that also pulls the small hairs from your arm off, the pain is short and then you're fine.

I'm putting it here so that I can hold my self accountable, but what I'm going to try and do, is set my alarm for the time I'm supposed to get up, and get up.  No snoozing.  That way I'm sleeping well until I have to be up, and the foot I jump in the air when the BEEP BEEP BEEP starts, is only once a morning.  I'm going to keep you posted.  I may have to concede and snooze once - you know like that "harm reduction approach" versus complete sobriety.  We'll see, as I'm already sounding slightly ambivalent to change.

Thankfully I still have tomorrow to wake up from the sunlight, and put off this experiment.  "I'll start on Monday", I hear that plan works for diets too...ha.

Until next time,
E

Street Walker Black Boots

You'd be surprised at how hard it is to find black boots.

I had a pair that suited me fine, rider style, a little big/bulky for my liking but comfortable and "good enough".  I had bought them at from good shoe company and thought that they'd last me a while.  Well, here I am a season later, and the zipper on the inside of the boot is defunked.  I tried to fix it, making it worse and totally unwearable.  The zipper on the other boot is also starting to pull apart, and really, I need to bring them to a cobbler (yes they still have those).

But really, I don't love the boots.  They are great for lots of walking, but they're not particularly cute, and I can't really dress them up for work, so they are fairly limiting.  I think I'll still fix them for next season, as they're good in the snow, but for now, I needed some black boots so that I can start wearing my black/gray tones and not be limited by my brown (but, very cute) boots.

Alas, yesterday my friend and I walked down the shopping street on a quest to find new black boots.  I had in mind a simple boot, flat, decent traction, can be dressed up/down, and I had kind of a picture in my mind of what that might look like.

The problem with black leather is that sometimes it can look cheap. I'm not sure why it can look cheaper than colored leather, but for some reason I have a hard time with black leather bags/boots/etc with feeling like sometimes they look cheap/trashy.

Tall boots, tall black boots, have a tendency to make me think "street walker".  Not so much on other people really, but I was feeling very sure that I wanted something understated and not overtly "sexy" so that they were appropriate for work, going out, and for the fact that I'm not 21 anymore.

Upon scouring the many styles that were available this late in the season I noticed a few things.  There were either ugly boots, boots with no zipper (who can do that?), boots with heels and really casual-distressed leather boots which I loved, but doesn't cut it for what I need.  Or were brown, gray, etc and not black at all...

I landed on a pair from Aldo (eh), which are comfortable.  I've been assured they don't look trashy and are dressy enough that I can wear them with dresses, and toned down enough for skinny jeans and leggings. My issue is that they are not flat.  They are wedge.  Not gross wedge, but probably 2.5 inches high.  I don't know if I'm turning into an old lady but I was struggling with this because the idea of a wedge seemed, well, trashy.  I was assured by the guy working at the shoe place that I didn't look like a street walker, and my friend also assured me that wedges were not inappropriate for me.

So I bought them.  They're good quality boots, with zippers on the outside so they won't snag on the other boot (like my other black ones), and they give me a little height, the wedge is more comfortable/sturdy than a stiletto (and surely less street walker like, right?).

I'll know I've made a mistake if someone asks "How much?" ...until then, they'll do.

Until next time,
E

How about this weather?

Yesterday morning I was walking to internship (it was heavily snowing) and I got half way to work, let's say about 7 minutes away from my apt, and I realized that I had forgotten the bag with my change of shoes*.   So I was wearing rain boots (bright pink and white) with my brown corduroys tucked in, which is really really attractive I assure you.



Obviously this look would not be acceptable at internship, and I had to turn around.  There was a brief moment of "OH MY F*CKING GOD I WISH I LIVED SOMEWHERE WARM" but after I got back to my apt, grabbed my bag and set out again, I had let go of some of the frustration. Other than now running late I tried to not focus on how much it sucked and was stressing me out.  I was sweating at this point; the hot/cold thing at the same time can be brutal.



I took my gloves off, took my hood off, put the hood back on, opened my jacked, zipped up, and tried to use an umbrella to block me from wind gusts.  The other thing the umbrella blocked me from, was seeing.  Two separate times I almost got hit by plows/sidewalk CAT-whatever-they-are-calleds.  I mean forgive me for walking on a sidewalk, trying to not slip, while shielding myself from the wipping winds of snow flakes...I didn't realize plows had the right of way.

Plows have the right of way.

Anyway, I survived my run ins with the plows/sidewalk clearers, made it to internship only about 15 minutes and only sweated for about 15 minutes after I got there.  Not bad.

To say the least, I can appreciate the sentiment that the snow is annoying, and that life would be easier without it.  But what about the most exciting days of the year as a kid? Snow days were literally like the big O, or a gift from God, if I've ever experienced one.  Surprise! You can go out and play in the snow, and you don't have to take that calculus text yet, or pass in that French paper that you should probably review un autre time...or even hell,  just go back to sleep under the coziness of your down comforter.



Okay so true, as adults we're paying for the joy we used to get, in a sense. But I'm not sure I would trade it.  I still like to play in the snow and I don't yet have to shovel my way out of my front door (sorry for those of you who do, however getting my car out of a spot? Whole other story-another blog post, another time).  I'm determined to sled this winter, maybe even ski if I can muster the courage to get back into it after a couple seasons off (and scrounge up some money...ugh).   Anyone have snow shoes?



***

When there is nothing else to say, conversations tend to turn to the weather.  Right now, for the people in New England, the constant pummeling of snow has been a hot topic in all parts of my life (internship, school, friends, facebook, etc).  I try not to be cliché and talk to my clients about the weather, but sometimes you just have to comment on it.  It's this strange phenomenon where we all have it in common and it's a space filler.  Frankly, sometimes the weather is ridiculous and we can't resist. 

Anyway, not to just fill space, but, we are expecting more snow in the next couple of days and the middle/end of next week.  Brace yourselves.  My suggestion is hot chocolate and Baileys (no they're not paying me to say this, yet), a down comforter and a snuggle buddy. 

Until next time,

E



*For the possible 3 guys who might read this, when there is inclement weather, we girls tend to bring a change of shoes with us and wear either commuter (ugly/comfy) shoes, rain boots, or the infamous Uggs. 

Don't hate the player.

Okay, okay we all know how this one goes.  I don't actually consider myself the victim of the game, at this point.  I think really, if anything, I've have managed to play the game pretty well myself in dating, hanging out, talking, smooshing (wish I didn't love the Jersey Shore - don't judge), or whatever you call it these days.

It's not that there isn't enjoyment that comes from the game, or that I haven't enjoyed singledom for the last bit (okay, kind of a lot a bit) of time, but there does come a point where I have to say, "enough already, I'm over it".  Dating around, after a while, is like having another job. It's like house hunting except for the fact that this is also when the house can decide if it wants you to buy it.  This process is fun, like I said, but tiring, expensive (more so for the dude, typically) and can be quite disappointing.  

I've gone through phases of time where I'm definitely not looking for something more than a good time, some nice chats, and whatever will keep me entertained for the time being. My first year of being single (after a long relationship) I was kind of out to just survey the lands...however, lately there has been a shift in this. I'd say in the last 6 months I've been much more authentic, less driven by "man hunting" and significantly more choosy with who I focus my energy on.  

I was having a conversation recently, with I forget who (sorry), and we were talking about how the only thing in our lives we can't really have control over is finding that person we ultimately connect with.  I mean we can do all the right things like be the best person we are, get our hair cut in a cute style (ha), go out and be open to talking to new people, seeking new avenues to meet people, etc, but we can't force a connection.  We can't make ourselves meet someone.  It just happens.  In the mean time we do our best to make it fun and entertaining and as fulfilling as possible.

We can make a lot of other things happen for ourselves.  We can work very hard and excel in our fields, jobs, careers and education.  We can seek out new exciting things like adventure and travel.  We can improve health by getting to the gym, getting massages, drinking less and other good self-care practices.  We can do almost anything we set our minds to (thanks, American Dream!), except for create a person who is our "other", out of thin air.  This is what is the most frustrating for me, because I'm the type of person that makes things happen.  I am very good at knowing what I want, setting the goal and achieving it.  This is not the way to get a guy, trust me, this has bit me in the ass before.  

My friends, and likely your friends are in similar positions, are all over the spectrum in regards to their primary intimate relationship.  I have friends who are serial monogamists, serial daters, some have been in one relationship or have been in many, some have loved several people and others have been loved by several people that fell flat, others are engaged or married, and finally there are those as single as the sun with their potential planets/matches just out of their coronas' reach (brace yourself for a solar theme, starting, now.).  As of today...well, I'm one of those pretty happy suns that is starting to get bored.

I mean clearly for the most part we have this innate desire to pair up (in all senses of the word) and find that "other".  Even more clearly, when you add in the two genders (and adding in all the different orientations and variations), timing, compatibility, excitement, chemistry, etc - there is a lot entering into the equation to matching people up. 

At this point I say "I'm not worried, but I'm impatient."  I think this is really the truth.  I know I'll end up with a great guy, I'm just starting to get that figuratively antsy leg shake.  Although honestly, I'm not in a rush.  I still have a lot of things I'd like to do before settling down.  I've had relationships before, I know I'm capable of being a great girlfriend, but I'm also not willing to just be a girlfriend for the sake of it.  I'd rather be a happy little sun with a couple planets floating around, than a less than satisfied sun with one not so great planet going around and around. Bleh.

Now does this mean I'm endorsing the game? No, not exactly.  I think that honesty and being upfront with people is the best policy. I think that when a connection is there, it should be tested and see what footing that beginning would have, but when there is no footing (or when the footing is not lining up right) I think that it's best to let it go. 

This is hard to do though when your footing is different than the other's, and you're not aware of it.  I've been on both ends of the situation where one person is very interested and the other is unsure or, ultimately, not interested.  This can be uncomfortable/annoying/frustrating/sad/disappointing to both sides.  Really, a lot of us not quite at the age yet where we're "adult enough" to discuss it head on, be concrete about it and move on.   From what I see the twenty-somethings, and even the early-thirty-somethings, struggle with this (both guys and gals, mind you).  I've seen and experienced relationships come to a sudden end and even situations that seem to drag on.  In these cases the balance is of...until you find one that is level.  

I've been told that I'm "deservedly picky".  I guess I am picky but I want close to a perfect balance as I can get.  Why not want that?  Having not had your "typical" immediate family life growing up, or even now really, that is something I hope for, for my family later.  I hope that my primary relationship that I end up in is lifelong, as I'm sure most of us aren't ultimately looking for our "First" marriage, in order to have a second.  In this vein, I'm very thankful that my previous long term relationship was ended for me, as I can see now that it would have ended that way ultimately down the road.  Break ups are hard enough, I don't wish needing a divorce on anyone.

I've been rambling, so I'll bring this back to my long winded point:

I don't hate the player, and frankly, I have been known to enjoy the game.  I think what I've noticed is that my "happy sun game playing" days are starting to dwindle; as the people around me settle down and figure out that aspect of their lives out and as I start to get a bit older, I'm more open to finding one planet (as long as it's not a fake planet, like poor Pluto). 

Until next time,

E

Horoscope, Schmoroscope.

I am an Aries.

I don’t really care what they come up with to say that I’m not…I’m sticking to it, until my horoscope app tells me differently, and ONLY if I can relate to what it spits at me every day under my new “sign”.  Until then I am an Aries.

You may have seen in the news, on Facebook, or in the stars, that there is a hubbub around the horoscopes “changing”.  There has been a finding of a 13^th horoscope between November 29^th and December 17 called Ophiuchus (serpent something or other).

What the deal is, might be or could be:

This Ophiuchus has been around for quite a while.  It’s not like stars are born every day. Okay I take that back, stars are born/die every day I’m sure, but in terms of what we see, it obviously has been in the making for a while.

The other thing is, a lot of astronomers are not in agreement with this finding.  So hold your panic for the time being.

There probably already was 13 horoscope signs, with one of them being removed somewhere along the lines, making only 12 “equally spaced” zodiac signs (like 12 months, perhaps?).  If you look at the actual dates for when these stars are aligned, they are actually not as equal as we think, and depend where in the world you are and how close/far to the equator you live (Check out the chart on Wiki below).  So in terms of your original original horoscope, we’ve already been wrong for a long time.

Jews actually have something similar to this phantom 13 slot.  There is a rotating 13^th month which pops in and out seemingly randomly (but it’s not) and accounts for the time loss that the Christian (the one we use typically) calendar with leap years, etc.  Who knows if there is a connection, but I’m a big fan of 13’s.  (http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/calendar.html)

The stars move, the world’s orientation moves, so the view of the sky is different.  Really the only accurate telling of “what sign you are” and how MUCH you are that sign is more of an “exact science”.  I haven’t gotten my chart done before, but what I’ve been told is it takes into account your exact location of birth, exact time of birth and the view of the sky at that point.  Only from there can you really know where your true “identity” is in terms of the stars.

So in terms of how I feel about it:

It doesn’t really matter what your sign is.  I know, for someone who is so classically “their sign” this is galaxy shattering.

The point of horoscopes when you read them in the newspaper, in the back of a magazine, or on your iPhone (ps, congrats Verizon users, wait until June when it’s with LTE)…is to help guide you to making good decisions, give you some “insight” around what might cosmically be going on for you that you can’t quite make sense of and piss off your boyfriend who could care less about what your day looks like “In Love”.

I’ll task you with this.  Have someone “read you your horoscope”.  Tell them to read you one that may or may not be yours.  See if you can figure out if it’s yours or not.   I bet that realistically it’s hard to really know without the label across the top.  We are able to make a lot of things fit our context, even our “real” horoscopes fail us sometimes, I’ve had a few that are so far from what I’m experiencing, that I could have sworn it was a Pisces or even a Virgo.  Alas, it’s just a nice tool to help cope and is fun.

With all that being said, I’m an Aries.  My personality aligns very accurately with the headstrong, leader who is a great starter of things and then gets bored and finds a new challenge…These things will not change if I find out I’m “really” a Capricorn, or even a Gemini.  Who I am will not change, how I identify will not change, and ultimately how I live my life will not change.

Does this shake things up? Sure.  Are there other things we assume that are probably untrue? Absolutely.  Let it just be a lesson to take things in context, don’t live and die by any printed word, because the reality is, someone created it, who knows who/what tampered with it before it got to you, and the only thing we should be living and dying by is ourselves.  Which like I said, fundamentally doesn’t change with any new discovery, or old wisdom uncovered, of the cosmos.

And with that, I’ll tell you, I’m an Aries and I’m sticking to it.  How very classically stubbornly Aries of me…

Until next time,
E

Some sites to further your anxiety or your knowledge around horoscopes and how much they matter:

http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/115009/scientists_behind_new_zodiac_signs

http://www.latimes.com/news/science/la-sciw-astrological-signs-20110114,0,5854664.story

Zeus, I love Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zodiac#Early_history

"Scratch that, change of plans."

These are words I've thought, said and typed a lot, lately.  I'd say that the theme of 2011 so far has been, "Sorry E, your plan? It ain't it."

I'm realizing that I've really always been a planner.  I'm sure there is something in my upbringing and anticipatory childhood that I ultimately found comfort in things I could plan, accomplish and move forward from.  Planning also takes some of the mystery out of things (even if it's simply deceiving ones own self to thinking there is such a thing as control), because Gahd Forbid the mystery...the unknown is a scary vast space.

I also tend do very well with structure in my life, short and long term goals, lists to help me get there, and success.  I know that this all makes me sound very, well, Type A, and the reality is, that it's true.

I think as I've gotten older my fluidity has increased and my ability to go-with-the-flow has really significantly improved.  This has helped me in a lot of ways.  Who wants to be around someone who can't function when things don't go to plan?  On the other hand, I can't imagine not having at least a loose idea of where I'm heading.

I think it's interesting that the beginning of this year started with a Change of plan (with a capital C) type of vacation/trip that kicked off a year when I feel that I HAVE to do some planning.  I'm graduating in May from my program, I need to figure out what kind of job I want afterwards (therapy with college students? adolescents? do I want my PhD ultimately?), figure out what city/location I want to be in (Boston? Chicago? San Fran? DC? The UK?)...at least for the planner in me, it would be nice to have the next 1-2 years kind of "figured out".

I think what I'm realizing is that what I can do is preparation.  I can work on my CV and cover letter (which I did yesterday), do my research, apply, brainstorm, discuss with people etc...but I have to leave the planning on the back burner because that leaves me subject to things like disappointment, or worse, feeling like I have to stick to something for the sake of the plan.

What I'm noticing when I take even a grander step backwards is that the things in my life that have "fit" and fallen into place were completely haphazard.  Almost everything that is meaningful by way of changes in my life, have had a serendipitous way of forming and fitting to the puzzle pieces before it (and subsequently after it).  When I'm honest with myself, sometimes the things I plan for or plan on, never happen, or fall short of how I picture it in the first place. (The intention isn't to make me sound like a bad planner, I'm actually quite good, but this is the reality of life's impact on my plan.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I shouldn't plan. I'm not saying I shouldn't have high expectations.  I'm saying I need to continually be open to changes in the plan even if the reason or the outcome is just beyond the fog of the morning, and is unable to be seen from where I stand.

Even with very small examples such as my trip not working "right", changes in plans with friends, unexpected relationships, expectations falling flat, etc, I do see some significant positives once I'm enough removed from it to truly appreciate it.  Often times I look back and I'm able to say, "well that is where it went wrong" and in the same breath "but it was right that it did".  I need to remember this, even when I choose the slow lane at Trader Joes.

Moral of the story for me? Relax.  Go with the flow.  Things pan out.  Set yourself up for success and be prepared for what comes along with the road leading you there.  Plans, like rules and Don't Ask Don't Tell, are meant to be bent, broken and ultimately changed.

Until next time,
E

A week of palindromes

One of my genius cousins (they're all geniuses, if you ask me) posted in his status saying something to the effect of "how exciting, it's a week of palindromes!".  


1.10.11  1.11.11  1.12.11  1.13.11  1.14.11  
1.15.11  1.16.11  1.17.11  1.18.11  1.19.11


While I initially laughed at how nerdy I was for thinking that it was a cool observation, I actually thought it was interesting and worthy of making note here.


Obviously there are other times this happens in a year, such as December 3, 1921 (12.3.21 as one example) but as you can see they are somewhat limited and irregular due to the number of months, days of the month and years.  


What does this mean? Well nothing straightforward per se, but let's think about what a palindrome is:


Palindrome: (n) A word, phrase, number or other sequence of units that can be read the same way in either direction (the adjustment of punctuation and spaces between words is generally permitted).


Units, eh?  If we extrapolate this to, say, human interaction, it's very much like "Do unto others" (bear with me).


This is a bit far fetched, I admit, but "Do on to others" is kind of like seeking out the ultimate palindrome with the pivotal central character/number/element/unit being the action, space and even love between ourselves and "others".


Okay, so you might think "Get back to school and internship already, your brain has turned to mush" (but when you squint, it's amazing what you can make yourself see).  Either way it seems like a great opportunity to make sure that what we're chosing to do for work, how to live our lives, how we treat people, etc - is exactly how we would like it to be relected back to us, ultimately. 


Let's assume that for the next 8 days from now, there is something energetically special in the air, as it won't happen again, at least not until November.


Is your work fulfilling? How are you living your life? How do you treat others? Think about it.




All you could ever want to know about palindromes. Thank you, Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palindrome


Until next time, emit txen litnU
E


ps. My favorite palindrome is "kayak", what's yours?

You are not who I think you are

Woops.

So maybe it's due to having a newer phone that I'm still getting the hang of, maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention or maybe its my subconscious getting me into these situations.

In the last couple of weeks there have been a handful of times I've sent a text message to someone only to get a response from someone else.  The responses range from "What?", "Huh?" and the most recent, "So soon?", or no response at all.  After waiting for a response and not getting one, or getting these questions, it dawns on me that I've typed someone's name into the TO box or clicked on the wrong contact.

Most of the time this isn't such a big deal, where "woops! Sorry that was for someone else!" suffices, and other times, as you can imagine, this can be embarrassing or worse.  Thankfully I haven't had any major blunders in this rehlm but I surely have heard of people texting "Oh, Soand So is such a bitch!" only to realize it was sent to Soand So.

My tiny story example was last night, which was not really brutal, but was slightly embarrassing.

I was out for a dear friend's birthday and I had to leave early since I had to be up early for a family event this morning.  I had told a friend that I was with that I'd let her know when I got home safe and sound.

Text from me to friend: "Home! xo"
Friend: So soon? ;)

At first I was confused, did I get home that quickly?

Then like a wave of knowing crashing against the rocks of my brain it hit me - I had texted a guy I don't know well (who had texted me earlier that day about something).  So, as I'm walking into my apartment not fully paying attention, I must have clicked on the wrong text from earlier and responded with what looked like a very forward, and maybe even suggestive text message.   Oops.

He clearly knew I didn't mean to text him that, but gave me a hard time none the less.

I'd say the "funniest" part of this was that about 15 minutes after I had gone to bed after the mix up (ps. I ended up correctly texting my friend after so she knew I was alive), I got a text from this same guy saying,

Him: "What did she say?"
Me: "Huh?"
Him: "Your girlfriend? Is she going to come chill with us?"
Him: "Bah, my turn for the wrong text! Sorry"

Must have been something in the air...

In the same vein, I also notice that I "like" things on Facebook by accident on my phone's touch screen.  I never know if when it's a awkward or random "like" (I haven't spoken to that person in 13 years or I have no idea what the status even means) if I should "unlike" or if I should just leave it there and hope that it doesn't draw unwanted notifications or questions later.

Any thoughts on "liking by accident" etiquette?

I think I'm going to have to be a bit more careful what I click on with this phone.  Safe and happy texting, everyone.

Until next time,
E

New Years Resolutions...

...are stupid.  Stupid because New Years is just like any other day.  Why would the marker of a new year help you to keep a promise, to yourself?

Well the truth is, it works, for about a month.  There is research done on gym memberships for new year's resolutions.  The findings I've seen are that if an gym can get people to sign up around January 1st, they will attend the gym frequently for a little while, then they trail off.  Good thing for the gyms there is the 1-2 year contract we sign thinking this will be our new lifestyle.

So does this mean I think that we shouldn't set out good intentions around the new year? No, it doesn't.  But what it does mean is that it is important to have managed expectations, and drive to maintain these and adjust throughout the year.

I didn't realize it but I've already set several new year's resolutions.  Last night I was over my friends' place planning a winter weekend getaway, and based upon the discussion we were having I realized that it is not a coincidence that I was just away on a challenging but great trip, I chopped my hair off and picked up painting in the last week. Oh, and started a new blog. Either I'm inspired or I'm hypomanic, so let's go with inspired.

Hmm.  So even my subconscious knows that this new year is a time of rebirth, new opportunity, hope and change.

I do have to admit, I'm hopeful about this year.  I feel big positive changes coming my way after a few challenging, but growing, years.  I have some down time for about another week before I'm back at my internship and class, so my window of endless "me" time and work is short.  It seems that even without knowing it I've cast a wide net of what may hopefully stick beyond the "gym attending" upswing.

In order to shift these away from "resolutions" I'm going to call them "intentions".  It's always about having good intentions, right?  So I'm setting these for myself and I intend to do them.  Resolution is a bit of a strong commitment with farther to fall short of meeting them (Maybe strong self-guilt is more motivating? We shall see.)

My next year of intentions include:
-Being more creative, more frequently.  Often in my life I've had times where I've started projects really well, and then I get bored or side tracked and don't follow through.
-Follow through.  Intentions are great if you make a concerted effort to follow through.  With that being said, I'd like to follow through on the things that give me purpose and joy, and let go of the things that don't.
-Continue to find the things that give me purpose and joy.  My new line of work is very fulfilling, but can be quite taxing after a long day of listening to and guiding clients through challenges.  I'm invested in finding some great self-care that gives me joy.  Some of the things I'm trying are painting, taking more photographs, journaling (via blogger), meeting more people, spending more time with the people I care about, reading for pleasure versus just for class, more exercise (cliche, I know), etc.  Tall order, but something should stick.
-Being open to what this path looks like.  I'm pretty open as is, but with some anticipated challenges, potential painful losses and big changes coming up this year, I want to accept them and use them to grow and move forward, versus allowing them to hinder me and bring me down.
-Allow myself to be down.  I'm a pretty upbeat person, and I do great job of compartmentalizing things in my life.  If something is challenging I've learned how to either push through it or move around it in order to keep my life positive and moving forward...but I'm realizing the strength and wisdom that comes from not avoiding these things all together, and also letting myself experience them.

Really this list can go on and on.

Why not let the mark of a new year inspire us.  The key is to let the year to come continue to inspire us and motivate us for improvement and evolvement.

So when I said New Years Resolutions are stupid, I really mean to say, if January 1st is your, or my, only time of self reflection and self adjustment, then that is...well...stupid.

Until next time,
E

Another blog?

Well as some of you know, I recently wrote about an adventure gone wrong (but right in a many ways).  It was really enjoyable to write and share it with my friends, family and whoever else happened upon it.  From the page views I got, I think it's fair to say that at least some people care what I have to say (even if it's more like a car accident, and you can't help from looking).  So this is a space for that in my day to day life, as I move through the next phase(s) of my life; it's a new year, I'm getting older** and wiser* AND I'm finishing my graduate program (May 2011)!

I hope to be able to use this as an outlet of my humor (I have some), creativity, problem solving, connecting to others and working through this "early adult life" that I'm very lucky to have.  Life is a beautiful progression with challenges that when looking back, make the progression more meaningful and even more beautiful.  Therefore, I'd expect all those things, and in between, may come up here.  I appreciate your openness to my thoughts and experiences and I hope to show ongoing respect for yours.

Who knows where this will, or won't, go, and if it will be interesting or relevant to you.  If you're up for it, you're welcome to come along on this journey of self.  If you're not interested that's okay - just hit "next blog" at the top of this page and happen upon a blog about arts and crafts, Jesus or someone's grandchildren.  I'm sure that will suit you better.

Until next time,
E

*Wisdom is subjective.  What I say may not be anyone else's truth, experience or opinion.
**Gray hairs are sadly not as subjective.