Back in April, Nickelodeon announced they were bringing back shows from when we were kids to run reruns.
Listen to the two stories I've linked here, it will bring you back...NPR covered it then, and today on my drive home from seeing some clients, NPR was revisiting this as the 90's block premiers tonight...
The "story" here is that as twenty-somethings we were the last crop of kids to use TV as our primary entertainment. The half generation younger than us (even probably your younger siblings/cousins) had internet from the get-go and now all the playstations/wii's their hearts could desire.
Obviously, we had Nintendo, but for the most part we were glued to the TV vs. the game console/laptop, which is really different in comparison to the youth now, for instance.
So what pops into your mind when you think of the following?
Pete and Pete
Solute Your Shorts
All That
Double Dare
Clarissa Explains it All
Doug
...these were some of the shows that were highlighted in the clips, which sparked all sorts of memories for me. There are tons more treasures from our youth (Alex Mack, anyone?).
You've probably also played the game "Remember that show?" where you describe the show you remember watching as a kid...it's so fun to reminisce.
Then there are also the elusive shows that you can see in your head when you close your eyes, but when you describe it no one knows what the hell you are talking about? I had that for a long time with the Noozles. I forget who finally knew what I was talking about, but it was like my inner child had finally been acknowledged because I wasn't the only one who remembered this show.
Anyway. Just wanted to let you know that Nick will be playing all of our old favorites starting tonight at midnight EST.
Enjoy reminiscing and being brought back to being a kid for a few hours. Share your favorite shows on this post (below), and let me know if you catch any episodes that you love, now that they're replaying!
Until next time,
E
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Love Your City, Ghettos and All
I hope this post comes off how I want it to. This is not judgmental or critical of anyone in particular or any group in particular. In fact I think I'm realizing that I'm not as culturally aware as I thought I was. This is an opportunity and an area of growth for me that I'm happy I stumbled upon.
...just a few random thoughts (that are not groundbreaking I assure you) about driving, city and culture.
Yesterday I was driving through a part of the city that I wasn't used to (a few run down impoverished areas where a portion of the minorities in the city, live). I could have sworn I was in a different city than I had lived in for the last 5 years.
First of all, how did I not really know what these parts looked/felt like? I knew they existed obviously, as they show up in the news a lot and I know people who have lived in those areas..but I had apparently not made my way through the heart of it before. I felt like I learned a lot just from driving through (and garnered some perspective on a few of my clients who are poor or disenfranchised...).
Because I was in an area that I haven't been before, and was trying not to get lost (what did we do without GPS?), I was hyperfocused on my surroundings and where I was going...as a result I noticed things that either are more apparent there or more likely just that I don't typically notice.
Evacuation Route: Even if there is no catastrophe going on, there is some relief when you realize that you are driving the direction that the "Evacuation Route" sign is pointing...just in case. Ever notice that you're like "oh well, good at least I'll get out if I need to"...? Not really? Well that is probably because you see one of those signs in each town, and no follow-up signs. Where am I supposed to go after I pass this sign? What happens to the people coming the other direction that don't know this is the way they should be going?
Reckless Driving: There are some people who don't know how to drive, or don't care that you do. Don't you know that you are crazy if you are going fast than me, and you are annoying if you are going slower? I had a guy in-front of me cut over all the traffic lanes in a way that oncoming traffic almost hit him while he took a left hand turn. Reckless drivers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, races, backgrounds, and genders. There are a lot of stereotypes out there but frankly, I've seen a lot of 30 year old white guys drive like ass holes, so they are not exempt from needing to brush up on some rules of the road.
Not Even Padiddle: I'm not sure how, but people are not aware that their headlights are not on. You can try and tell them by flashing your lights, beeping, waving your hands, but in the dark they think you're just being a jerk. Really the only way they will realize it is if you drive up next to them at a red light and risk being misinterpreted when you yell at the person in the car to open their window. One lady was thankful actually and turned them on, but she was one of three cars I saw in a 15 minute drive (at night) where people didn't have their lights on.
Stoop Social: Hanging out on the stoop is a cultural thing...a culture however, that I'm not a part of but feel like I might enjoy. It would not be very fulfilling here in the burbs, but once I'm back in the city I want to sit on my stoop and see what I see. I have a feeling it might be worth the people watching, if nothing else.
Minority Based on Context: In a place where being white is the minority, there are some feelings that come up. Feeling like you don't belong, feeling like you have something to prove (like that you can hang), concern of being judged, concern of being in danger (though likely not realistic), feeling of being "other". I have to say there was something exhilarating about it, I felt like there was something for me to learn. Don't misunderstand, my hometown is fairly diverse it's not like I haven't seen people outside of my own culture, but I have always lived in more culturally "vanilla" (pardon the term) parts of the cities/towns I've resided in and haven't spent much time in the ghettos or subsidized areas. Without sounding ignorant, I wonder if people who look different than the bulk of people around them, feel this way walking around other parts of the city? Is it ever just so common that it isn't recognizable anymore? My guess is not, my guess is that for some this feels challenging on a daily basis.
You're not Paranoid: If you think others are looking at you funny, you might be right. "Who brought her here" I'm sure was thought or said on some stoops when I got out of my car at my friend's house. Not that she lives in the ghetto, but the area is closer to those parts and therefore is more populated by non-white families in multifamily homes. This was actually okay. I'm not a threat, and I clearly don't look like a threat, in fact I'm sure it was probably funny to some of the neighbors who were seeing me there.
Upgrade: I'm so ready to drive a nicer car, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with Ms. Vicki...
Love Your City, Ghettos and All: Explore the areas you don't have reason to explore. I regret not having seen more of the beautiful less popular, cultural, interesting, historical areas of the city. You may find some interesting things and have a better sense of who calls your area home, too. I thought I knew, but I didn't.
Alrighty folks, have a wonderful weekend...oh and, safe driving y'all.
Until next time,
E
...just a few random thoughts (that are not groundbreaking I assure you) about driving, city and culture.
Yesterday I was driving through a part of the city that I wasn't used to (a few run down impoverished areas where a portion of the minorities in the city, live). I could have sworn I was in a different city than I had lived in for the last 5 years.
First of all, how did I not really know what these parts looked/felt like? I knew they existed obviously, as they show up in the news a lot and I know people who have lived in those areas..but I had apparently not made my way through the heart of it before. I felt like I learned a lot just from driving through (and garnered some perspective on a few of my clients who are poor or disenfranchised...).
Because I was in an area that I haven't been before, and was trying not to get lost (what did we do without GPS?), I was hyperfocused on my surroundings and where I was going...as a result I noticed things that either are more apparent there or more likely just that I don't typically notice.
Evacuation Route: Even if there is no catastrophe going on, there is some relief when you realize that you are driving the direction that the "Evacuation Route" sign is pointing...just in case. Ever notice that you're like "oh well, good at least I'll get out if I need to"...? Not really? Well that is probably because you see one of those signs in each town, and no follow-up signs. Where am I supposed to go after I pass this sign? What happens to the people coming the other direction that don't know this is the way they should be going?
Reckless Driving: There are some people who don't know how to drive, or don't care that you do. Don't you know that you are crazy if you are going fast than me, and you are annoying if you are going slower? I had a guy in-front of me cut over all the traffic lanes in a way that oncoming traffic almost hit him while he took a left hand turn. Reckless drivers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, races, backgrounds, and genders. There are a lot of stereotypes out there but frankly, I've seen a lot of 30 year old white guys drive like ass holes, so they are not exempt from needing to brush up on some rules of the road.
Not Even Padiddle: I'm not sure how, but people are not aware that their headlights are not on. You can try and tell them by flashing your lights, beeping, waving your hands, but in the dark they think you're just being a jerk. Really the only way they will realize it is if you drive up next to them at a red light and risk being misinterpreted when you yell at the person in the car to open their window. One lady was thankful actually and turned them on, but she was one of three cars I saw in a 15 minute drive (at night) where people didn't have their lights on.
Stoop Social: Hanging out on the stoop is a cultural thing...a culture however, that I'm not a part of but feel like I might enjoy. It would not be very fulfilling here in the burbs, but once I'm back in the city I want to sit on my stoop and see what I see. I have a feeling it might be worth the people watching, if nothing else.
Minority Based on Context: In a place where being white is the minority, there are some feelings that come up. Feeling like you don't belong, feeling like you have something to prove (like that you can hang), concern of being judged, concern of being in danger (though likely not realistic), feeling of being "other". I have to say there was something exhilarating about it, I felt like there was something for me to learn. Don't misunderstand, my hometown is fairly diverse it's not like I haven't seen people outside of my own culture, but I have always lived in more culturally "vanilla" (pardon the term) parts of the cities/towns I've resided in and haven't spent much time in the ghettos or subsidized areas. Without sounding ignorant, I wonder if people who look different than the bulk of people around them, feel this way walking around other parts of the city? Is it ever just so common that it isn't recognizable anymore? My guess is not, my guess is that for some this feels challenging on a daily basis.
You're not Paranoid: If you think others are looking at you funny, you might be right. "Who brought her here" I'm sure was thought or said on some stoops when I got out of my car at my friend's house. Not that she lives in the ghetto, but the area is closer to those parts and therefore is more populated by non-white families in multifamily homes. This was actually okay. I'm not a threat, and I clearly don't look like a threat, in fact I'm sure it was probably funny to some of the neighbors who were seeing me there.
Upgrade: I'm so ready to drive a nicer car, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with Ms. Vicki...
Love Your City, Ghettos and All: Explore the areas you don't have reason to explore. I regret not having seen more of the beautiful less popular, cultural, interesting, historical areas of the city. You may find some interesting things and have a better sense of who calls your area home, too. I thought I knew, but I didn't.
Alrighty folks, have a wonderful weekend...oh and, safe driving y'all.
Until next time,
E
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Climate Reality Project: September 14th, 2011
Let me be clear, this is NOT a political issue by nature. If you believe that it is, consider yourself missinformed. This issue has been made political in order to instill fear of things not related to taking careof the planet. Please consider using an open mind as you watch this clip and then read on. The Climate Reality Project has just announced the following:
What "big business" (oil, typically) and parts of the governing body would like you to believe is that this "issue" is political. They have done a great job of making you afraid of job loss and financial downturn versus the reality of the health of the earth and ourselves. The truth is that this has become a polarizing topic, since there are a lot of politicians who have great stakes in the oil business...but is that reason enough to forget that it is still an important issue?
Unfortunately many people when faced with picking between health and money, choose money. Many businesses, scientists, and normal every day people, however, are showing us more and more that ultimately neither has to suffer as it is right now. We can be responsible with the earth while there is a lot of money to be made in greener energy and moving away from big oil.
Recently I was at a documentary showing about Mountain Top Removal, which is really as bad as it sounds, in the beautiful Appalachian (typo earlier, sorry!) mountains. I encourage you to click on the link, type in your zip code and see how this coal collecting and nature wrecking procedure affects you (I looked mine up, one of the electrical companies in my town buys energy from a plant that uses coal from Mountain Top Removal). Some places you don't have a choice, and some places you do.
The presenter said something really important...we need to be unified in bringing awareness and action around these important issues in order to not look like Green Wackjobs, but to instead be interpreted as a force of positive change. So in this, I am really asking you to help spread the word, repost this post, and not leave me hanging alone in this fight.
Actually, I'm not alone. The movement towards change is happening. Is it enough yet? No, but with each person who speaks up, posts about taking care of the world, writes to their selectmen or statespersons, or starts a conversation about what they know, we grow.
Now I realize a lot of people when they hear the name Al Gore, instantly zone out. I get it. He made an ass of himself when he said he invetned the internet, and his marriage didn't work, but frankly he was almost our president and has been making big strides towards change on a very big level. Not many people are doing this and for that I really respect him. He's human, so he can be pulled apart, but he has done an amazing job with the Climate Reality Project (formerly The Climate Project).
The Climate Reality Project is calling for a day of awarenress to blast out the naysayers, continue to show proof that this is NOT an oppinion, this is the reality of the world: We can't continue to be reckless with carbon emissions, how we use water and containers, how it is important to buy local in order to save on shipping costs as well as transport emissions, smoking and poisoning not only ourselves and our loved ones, but our air, as well as with the speed of technology our growing disposable society.
It can be different than it is.
To be fair, it is much easier to ignore this reality than to do something about it. It is much easier to go along our days and not think about how our actions (or inaction) is affecting our world now, and even more importantly for our children. It's much easier to not "see" any of the damadge when you live in places not affected yet, but in reality even if you aren't aware, everywhere has been affected.
I will continue to post what I learn about other aspects of this effort such as changing access to owning, renting, or loaning your roof to electrical companies for solar pannels, wind power and how rediculous it is peole think that it ruins the landscape - if we don't do something the landscape will be ruined/gone and toxic, fracking (natural gas collection, affects the ground water, people can light their tap water on fire due to the amount of gas in it)...just to name a few.
So you ask, what can I really do, E? I'll tell you.
E
Sources/links for this post:
http://www.ilovemountains.org/
http://climaterealityproject.org/
http://venturebeat.com/2011/07/12/sunrun-maryland-expansion/
http://www.awea.org/
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/11_11/b4219025777026_page_2.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01EK76Sy4A
http://planetsave.com/2011/07/13/crazy-environmental-global-warming-politics/
What "big business" (oil, typically) and parts of the governing body would like you to believe is that this "issue" is political. They have done a great job of making you afraid of job loss and financial downturn versus the reality of the health of the earth and ourselves. The truth is that this has become a polarizing topic, since there are a lot of politicians who have great stakes in the oil business...but is that reason enough to forget that it is still an important issue?
Unfortunately many people when faced with picking between health and money, choose money. Many businesses, scientists, and normal every day people, however, are showing us more and more that ultimately neither has to suffer as it is right now. We can be responsible with the earth while there is a lot of money to be made in greener energy and moving away from big oil.
Recently I was at a documentary showing about Mountain Top Removal, which is really as bad as it sounds, in the beautiful Appalachian (typo earlier, sorry!) mountains. I encourage you to click on the link, type in your zip code and see how this coal collecting and nature wrecking procedure affects you (I looked mine up, one of the electrical companies in my town buys energy from a plant that uses coal from Mountain Top Removal). Some places you don't have a choice, and some places you do.
The presenter said something really important...we need to be unified in bringing awareness and action around these important issues in order to not look like Green Wackjobs, but to instead be interpreted as a force of positive change. So in this, I am really asking you to help spread the word, repost this post, and not leave me hanging alone in this fight.
Actually, I'm not alone. The movement towards change is happening. Is it enough yet? No, but with each person who speaks up, posts about taking care of the world, writes to their selectmen or statespersons, or starts a conversation about what they know, we grow.
Now I realize a lot of people when they hear the name Al Gore, instantly zone out. I get it. He made an ass of himself when he said he invetned the internet, and his marriage didn't work, but frankly he was almost our president and has been making big strides towards change on a very big level. Not many people are doing this and for that I really respect him. He's human, so he can be pulled apart, but he has done an amazing job with the Climate Reality Project (formerly The Climate Project).
The Climate Reality Project is calling for a day of awarenress to blast out the naysayers, continue to show proof that this is NOT an oppinion, this is the reality of the world: We can't continue to be reckless with carbon emissions, how we use water and containers, how it is important to buy local in order to save on shipping costs as well as transport emissions, smoking and poisoning not only ourselves and our loved ones, but our air, as well as with the speed of technology our growing disposable society.
It can be different than it is.
To be fair, it is much easier to ignore this reality than to do something about it. It is much easier to go along our days and not think about how our actions (or inaction) is affecting our world now, and even more importantly for our children. It's much easier to not "see" any of the damadge when you live in places not affected yet, but in reality even if you aren't aware, everywhere has been affected.
I will continue to post what I learn about other aspects of this effort such as changing access to owning, renting, or loaning your roof to electrical companies for solar pannels, wind power and how rediculous it is peole think that it ruins the landscape - if we don't do something the landscape will be ruined/gone and toxic, fracking (natural gas collection, affects the ground water, people can light their tap water on fire due to the amount of gas in it)...just to name a few.
So you ask, what can I really do, E? I'll tell you.
- Repost this blog entry, spread the word and support.
- Keep an eye out for more information here, and in the news about the event on September 14th & 15th.
- ****VERY important: Take 5 minutes and email your local government to see what changes can be done on a local level and tell them this is an important issue you will make deicions about in terms of re-election (every politicians primary goal). IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY: Message me I'll give you som examples!
- Do some of your own research...take everythign with a grain of salt, but understand that even DIRECTIONALY all of the facts show this is a big F-ing deal.
- Remember, being midnful of our health, the world's health and the future generations does not make you anti-American, it does not make you anti-business (large or small), it does not make you politcal. It makes you a part of what needs to happen.
- Check out this other post/blog for more info
E
Sources/links for this post:
http://www.ilovemountains.org/
http://climaterealityproject.org/
http://venturebeat.com/2011/07/12/sunrun-maryland-expansion/
http://www.awea.org/
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/11_11/b4219025777026_page_2.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01EK76Sy4A
http://planetsave.com/2011/07/13/crazy-environmental-global-warming-politics/
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dating: Meeting Online
So at the risk of sounding conceited, but still making a point I'm going to start by saying: I'm pretty awesome. I'd say think I'm decent looking, I'm smart, I'm educated, I sometimes make people laugh, I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm a good friend, I like to do fun things, I can dance pretty well when I've had a few drinks, I've dated around a decent amount, I meet people and hit it off, and I've had a long (long) term relationship, so all around it's clear that I'm not undatable.
Also, let me preface this post by keeping this in the spirit of not wishing for something that isn't (which I've been working on and I think it has helped with some of my anxiety around this whole relationship thing), is that while I'd like to be in a relationship, being single is not terrible at all. I've been having so much fun, and there is even part of me that thinks that it would be kind of challenging to adjust to being part of a couple again (although, I'm willing it if the right guy manifests).
Final note before I dive into the topic. I ask that you reserve your judgement. I also ask that you comment (anonymously if you so choose) to share your experience, thoughts, success stories, horror stories, whatever.
Okay here we go: online dating.
Oh, online dating. I'm really not sure where to start, so I guess I'll start with this month.
You can imagine that living at home isn't really that conducive to meeting people, but really the only thing truly limits is one night stands from the bar (Oh hey Ma, this is...wait what's your name again?)...and clearly at this point I'm over that, so it's left me with little excuse for not putting myself out there.
Living outside the city, however, is limiting in terms of just the sheer volume of people you might be able to meet out at a bar or in Starbucks (I'd love that, by the way, while I order my venti iced).
Living in the city where you are walking around, taking public transit, you are just exposed to many more people than when you are a bit more insular, commuting alone in your car, or driving to...well, Starbucks.
Since I've been back in my hometown, I had a few friends who had been online dating before and recently joined OkCupid who were talking about it, a good friend of mine from forever just got engaged so we are all chit chatting about all things bachelorette party and wedding planning, I hung out alone at a bar for the first time ever (the bartender is my friend and I arrived with someone, but stayed after they went home...kind of fun actually, good people watching), had some contact with people I've "dated"**, which was nice but brought up questions about, well practically everything.
So, with all that, and living in a new (but old) area I decided to give this newer site my friend had joined a shot. Why not. I've got some fun to be had, and it seems that my immediate options are exhausted for the time being. (If not then let me know before I'm off the market again!).
I admit this is not my first go round with online dating.
After my last long-term relationship ended, I joined JDate to get myself back out there, go on some dates and have some fun. At the time, I figured if I'm going to meet someone online, they might as well be Jewish to make my grandparents happy. I was pretty successful with it, meaning that I went out with a bunch of guys, met some cool people and then after a month or so was like "eh this is enough".
I also had a brief stint on eHarmony which was also successful, but like JDate, and likely like (likely like?) OkCupid, I burnt out kind of quickly. eHarmony is one that I think if I was 30-something and really looking for a compatible person so that I could make babies, that I'd focus on. I think that it ultimately has the best system and is less focused on what someone looks like and more about their character. Although, I went on dates with some cute guys, so it's not devoid of attractive people by any means.
The anxiety that comes with "blind dates" is almost too much. If you haven't experienced the anticipation of a first date or a blind date, then I suggest it. They say to do one thing every day that scares you, well, this might be your ticket.
For instance last night I went on a blind date from OkC (get with the lingo ppl), and the entire day leading up to it I was nervous. Once we met him I was relaxed, which is typical for me. The date was nice, he's a good guy (cute, smart, tall, Jewish) and we walked around a little town center eating ice cream and listening to a cover band play on their town common. It would have been a romantic cute date if I was interested in that way, but I wasn't.
I was disappointed that it wasn't "it", and felt kind of silly for being really nervous leading up to it. I think that it will help me to be less nervous next time around, but then again anxiety is a bitch. Luckily there are only a few things I get anxious about like first dates or being a passenger in a car with a driver that I deem as scary.
Over the last couple years I've probably gone on dates with about 12 guys from the online dating world, and I'd say that only 2 was a disaster, 2 I only went on 1 date with, 1 guy I went on like 7 dates with and the rest I went on 2-4 dates with. Those aren't terrible odds actually. I do a fairly good screening process since there are things I won't tolerate (being a cigarette smoker, someone shorter than me, someone who posts pictures of themselves in the mirror with their cell phone - learn how to take a self-timed picture or at least a self picture, avoid the bathroom mirror people) and I politely decline their offers and wait for a decent guy to come along.
The primary challenges with online dating being successful is chemistry. I think that someone can be amazing on paper and then you meet and it's like "yeahhh no." I also think that it probably happens that I (and others) dismiss someone online, but had we met them in a bar and felt chemistry may have been interested in (though most of the "in-bar" situations fizzle out after a few dates anyway). Keep your eyes out for a post on having parties, as I think this may be the key to meeting the right people (mutual friends as a filter).
There is stigma with online dating. Less so now, than a few years ago, since most people know great people who use the sites or even success stories of engagements/marriages from the online world, but still. The first question people ask when you are dating someone is "how did you meet?". Even still there is a sting of saying "online". But my friend said it best, "If you find someone you love and it's a great relationship, who the hell cares where you met them?". While I want a great story, what's more important is just being with someone that I love who we fulfill each other's needs and wants, and the rest just doesn't really matter.
The times they are a changing. Most of our communication is online these days anyway, and it's not a far stretch to imagine that more and more people will be meeting their significant others online. Ultimately you aren't dating online, you're MEETING online. I would recommend meeting people quickly so you can decide yay or nay and move on. The dating part should be in person, leave the online part to just the initial connection.
So if you've been on the fence about joining a site, just know that once you're on it, people will come out of the woodwork that you wouldn't expect who are already online dating.
I say go for it. The worst case is you have some crappy dates, feel anxious or it isn't the avenue where you ultimately find love. The benefit is it is a huge confidence booster, you get better at dating (it's like interviewing, the more you practice the better you are), you come out with some good stories, you meet cool people even if you don't want to date them, and it is just an extra avenue to possibly finding someone to be with.
Like my mom says: "You can't win the lottery if you don't play" (aside from the fact that most people don't win the lottery, this is a good analogy if you don't read into it)...and you know mom is always right.
Happy dating, wherever you meet!
Until next time,
OkE
**Dating: What the hell are we even classifying this as these days? Is this going on a couple of dates? Sleeping with on a regular basis? Boyfriend/Girlfriend? I guess I just use it for any situation where you have a non-platonic relationship or interest, ranging from where both of you are working towards figuring out if you're a good match by hanging out, to planning where the next place you're going to get it on is, to if you're official on Facebook. Fair?
Also, let me preface this post by keeping this in the spirit of not wishing for something that isn't (which I've been working on and I think it has helped with some of my anxiety around this whole relationship thing), is that while I'd like to be in a relationship, being single is not terrible at all. I've been having so much fun, and there is even part of me that thinks that it would be kind of challenging to adjust to being part of a couple again (although, I'm willing it if the right guy manifests).
Final note before I dive into the topic. I ask that you reserve your judgement. I also ask that you comment (anonymously if you so choose) to share your experience, thoughts, success stories, horror stories, whatever.
Okay here we go: online dating.
Oh, online dating. I'm really not sure where to start, so I guess I'll start with this month.
You can imagine that living at home isn't really that conducive to meeting people, but really the only thing truly limits is one night stands from the bar (Oh hey Ma, this is...wait what's your name again?)...and clearly at this point I'm over that, so it's left me with little excuse for not putting myself out there.
Living outside the city, however, is limiting in terms of just the sheer volume of people you might be able to meet out at a bar or in Starbucks (I'd love that, by the way, while I order my venti iced).
Living in the city where you are walking around, taking public transit, you are just exposed to many more people than when you are a bit more insular, commuting alone in your car, or driving to...well, Starbucks.
Since I've been back in my hometown, I had a few friends who had been online dating before and recently joined OkCupid who were talking about it, a good friend of mine from forever just got engaged so we are all chit chatting about all things bachelorette party and wedding planning, I hung out alone at a bar for the first time ever (the bartender is my friend and I arrived with someone, but stayed after they went home...kind of fun actually, good people watching), had some contact with people I've "dated"**, which was nice but brought up questions about, well practically everything.
So, with all that, and living in a new (but old) area I decided to give this newer site my friend had joined a shot. Why not. I've got some fun to be had, and it seems that my immediate options are exhausted for the time being. (If not then let me know before I'm off the market again!).
I admit this is not my first go round with online dating.
After my last long-term relationship ended, I joined JDate to get myself back out there, go on some dates and have some fun. At the time, I figured if I'm going to meet someone online, they might as well be Jewish to make my grandparents happy. I was pretty successful with it, meaning that I went out with a bunch of guys, met some cool people and then after a month or so was like "eh this is enough".
I also had a brief stint on eHarmony which was also successful, but like JDate, and likely like (likely like?) OkCupid, I burnt out kind of quickly. eHarmony is one that I think if I was 30-something and really looking for a compatible person so that I could make babies, that I'd focus on. I think that it ultimately has the best system and is less focused on what someone looks like and more about their character. Although, I went on dates with some cute guys, so it's not devoid of attractive people by any means.
The anxiety that comes with "blind dates" is almost too much. If you haven't experienced the anticipation of a first date or a blind date, then I suggest it. They say to do one thing every day that scares you, well, this might be your ticket.
For instance last night I went on a blind date from OkC (get with the lingo ppl), and the entire day leading up to it I was nervous. Once we met him I was relaxed, which is typical for me. The date was nice, he's a good guy (cute, smart, tall, Jewish) and we walked around a little town center eating ice cream and listening to a cover band play on their town common. It would have been a romantic cute date if I was interested in that way, but I wasn't.
I was disappointed that it wasn't "it", and felt kind of silly for being really nervous leading up to it. I think that it will help me to be less nervous next time around, but then again anxiety is a bitch. Luckily there are only a few things I get anxious about like first dates or being a passenger in a car with a driver that I deem as scary.
Over the last couple years I've probably gone on dates with about 12 guys from the online dating world, and I'd say that only 2 was a disaster, 2 I only went on 1 date with, 1 guy I went on like 7 dates with and the rest I went on 2-4 dates with. Those aren't terrible odds actually. I do a fairly good screening process since there are things I won't tolerate (being a cigarette smoker, someone shorter than me, someone who posts pictures of themselves in the mirror with their cell phone - learn how to take a self-timed picture or at least a self picture, avoid the bathroom mirror people) and I politely decline their offers and wait for a decent guy to come along.
The primary challenges with online dating being successful is chemistry. I think that someone can be amazing on paper and then you meet and it's like "yeahhh no." I also think that it probably happens that I (and others) dismiss someone online, but had we met them in a bar and felt chemistry may have been interested in (though most of the "in-bar" situations fizzle out after a few dates anyway). Keep your eyes out for a post on having parties, as I think this may be the key to meeting the right people (mutual friends as a filter).
There is stigma with online dating. Less so now, than a few years ago, since most people know great people who use the sites or even success stories of engagements/marriages from the online world, but still. The first question people ask when you are dating someone is "how did you meet?". Even still there is a sting of saying "online". But my friend said it best, "If you find someone you love and it's a great relationship, who the hell cares where you met them?". While I want a great story, what's more important is just being with someone that I love who we fulfill each other's needs and wants, and the rest just doesn't really matter.
The times they are a changing. Most of our communication is online these days anyway, and it's not a far stretch to imagine that more and more people will be meeting their significant others online. Ultimately you aren't dating online, you're MEETING online. I would recommend meeting people quickly so you can decide yay or nay and move on. The dating part should be in person, leave the online part to just the initial connection.
So if you've been on the fence about joining a site, just know that once you're on it, people will come out of the woodwork that you wouldn't expect who are already online dating.
I say go for it. The worst case is you have some crappy dates, feel anxious or it isn't the avenue where you ultimately find love. The benefit is it is a huge confidence booster, you get better at dating (it's like interviewing, the more you practice the better you are), you come out with some good stories, you meet cool people even if you don't want to date them, and it is just an extra avenue to possibly finding someone to be with.
Like my mom says: "You can't win the lottery if you don't play" (aside from the fact that most people don't win the lottery, this is a good analogy if you don't read into it)...and you know mom is always right.
Happy dating, wherever you meet!
Until next time,
OkE
**Dating: What the hell are we even classifying this as these days? Is this going on a couple of dates? Sleeping with on a regular basis? Boyfriend/Girlfriend? I guess I just use it for any situation where you have a non-platonic relationship or interest, ranging from where both of you are working towards figuring out if you're a good match by hanging out, to planning where the next place you're going to get it on is, to if you're official on Facebook. Fair?
Saturday, July 9, 2011
what will I think up next?
So it has been a while. I'm settling into my job, settling g into being back in my hometown and it feels like I have so much and not much to write about.
I'm feeling a biy paralyzed by having so many things to write about that I wanted to throw out the topics to hold my self more accountable for at least writing about some of them.
Things that have popped up are my thoughts on:
Sitting at a bar alone
Online dating
Mountain top removal and other environmental issues
Throwing parties
Serious mental illness
Having a dog who is getting old
How I am failing my running self challenge since I've moved
Just to name a few. How I feel about some of these things mat surprise you, or not. Obviously some are sexier topics than others, but I hope to get to some of these in the next week or so...
It's hard to sit down and write an entry when its 90 out and we have a pool. Mind you I'm writing this on my Droid as I'm in the sun (after rushing my dog to the vet for a messed up dew claw...). Shorter posts are easier on the phone but as you know, I'm a fan of rambling.
Well more to come soon...didn't want you to think I forgot about my avid readers or that I lost my desire to hear ( read) myself talk (write).
If you have a vote for what's to come, or something you wa t to know what my opinion on the topic is...feel free to comment!
Until next time,
Sunkissed E
I'm feeling a biy paralyzed by having so many things to write about that I wanted to throw out the topics to hold my self more accountable for at least writing about some of them.
Things that have popped up are my thoughts on:
Sitting at a bar alone
Online dating
Mountain top removal and other environmental issues
Throwing parties
Serious mental illness
Having a dog who is getting old
How I am failing my running self challenge since I've moved
Just to name a few. How I feel about some of these things mat surprise you, or not. Obviously some are sexier topics than others, but I hope to get to some of these in the next week or so...
It's hard to sit down and write an entry when its 90 out and we have a pool. Mind you I'm writing this on my Droid as I'm in the sun (after rushing my dog to the vet for a messed up dew claw...). Shorter posts are easier on the phone but as you know, I'm a fan of rambling.
Well more to come soon...didn't want you to think I forgot about my avid readers or that I lost my desire to hear ( read) myself talk (write).
If you have a vote for what's to come, or something you wa t to know what my opinion on the topic is...feel free to comment!
Until next time,
Sunkissed E
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Friday, July 1, 2011
July, already?
How the hell is it July? Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad that it is a beautiful, warm, partly sunny summer day by the pool, but I am a little freaked that half the year has already gone by. I need this shit to slow its roll...or at least I should be more present in the moment so that I'm savoring this time.Last night while I was hanging out with my cousin (who is my age) watching the sun set over the harbor near her homtown, we were talking about all sorts of things. We talked about the stage of life we are in, some of our ideals and goals, the futility of life and on the other hand the beauty and power of it.
The two of us are either incapable of having light conversations, or it's just that we choose not to. She is one of the handful of people I can literally say anything to and even if we disagree (happens a fair amount) that I know we always have eachother's back. It's probably what feeling close to a sibling feels like.
One of the things we talked about that has been "up" for me is feeling like I have nothing to "show" for overcoming some challenging things, getting into/through grad school and doing really well, being my age, etc...I've been a bit stuck in the feeling that not quite up to par in terms of this life stage.
You've read about how I feel about not living in the city any more, and how I want a new car to help mark some of my successes, but what still remains is this feeling of "after all that, is this it?".
It was hard to sit there, and see the beauty and NOT feel thankful. I'd say near impossible not to be filled with feeling content. In that moment there wasn't much of what I need/want that I didn't have, because in that moment I was just being and witnessing one of the earth's gifts to us, the sunset. Now, I'm deciding that I need and want to shift my perspective to be more like that all the time. Instead of focusing on wanting what I don't have (my own place, being in love, a Mercedes, to be thinner...those types of things) I'm going to spend my time focused on what I do have.
I've done this before of course, the whole being greatful/focusing on the positives, thing before...and frankly I do a bit of this everyday. I'd say not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for what I do have. So instead of these frequent but fleeting feelings/thoughts I'm going to try to shift my attitude in a bigger way.At the risk of being boring to read (since I'd guess it is often more interesting or intriguing to read about challenges and negativity or anger than appreciation) I'm going to try to waste minimal time wishing for what isn't, and enjoying what is.
I'm human, so I can't imagine I will be devoid of wishing and wanting (for instance I'm still planning on getting a newer car) but I'm going to make great efforts for my half-year resolution: to stop focusing on what isn't. I don't want 2012 to roll around and realize I was wishing away 2011. For all intents and purposes 2011 thus far has been one of the better years for me in say, 3-4 years. I'm biting my tongue, but it is the first year that I haven't lost someone I love or found out bad health news about someone I love in a while...and on top of that I finished grad school and landed a job in my new career. Really, what is there to complain about?
Well I'm Jewish, I'm a woman and I'm me...so I suppose there will always be things to complain about, but in the big picture things are good. I'm kicking this half of the year off with a good attitude.
Life right now is good. Anything that I wish and hope for? Well if those things come along then that's all gravy.
Happy July, join me in not letting the rest of this year slip by...
Until next time,
E
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