Moving home gracefully and temporarily. (Part IV - FINAL)

Part III

Part II

Part I

...and now, the final chapter of this saga.

 

So, most of you know by now that I’m moving out of my mom’s house…tomorrow.

It’s been an interesting road and the last two months have been a whirlwind of changes that have kind of come in like a tidal wave.  

All of the changes are good changes, but change is stressful, none the less.

Tomorrow I’ll be moving into a really cute apartment with a girl I knew when I was younger, I’ll be a 3-4 minute walk from a little city center, shops, the train, ciders on a patio, some hustle and bustle…and I’m very excited.

I’m a bit sad to be leaving mom’s even though I’ve griped about it since the beginning, but I’ve bee really lucky to have the opportunity to live there, not stress about money (too much), and allow the right job/situation to come to fruition before taking the plunge.  

A lot of you know my mom, she’s no short of being an awesome mom, and it’s been really nice to have her as my roommate, but it’s time for me to go.  It’s time for me to do my own thing again, live in an apartment, pay rent, commute to work, and you know, be an adult.

I’ll be home a decent amount for family stuff and the pool this summer…and to see my old dog, and of course to see my mom.  I’ll be about 42 minutes away from her, so she’ll also have to get her butt into the city to see me, too!

It’s an interesting relationship we have.  Obviously she’s my mom and I’m her daughter, but these last 9 months have reminded me that we have kind of a special thing.  For a long time it was really just me and her riding through choppy waters of challenging times with much shared experiences that we reminisce about, laugh about, and cry about.  

Considering it’s really been the two of us, she serves as not only a mom, but a sister in some ways and absolutely a friend.  I know she’s sad I’m leaving, because it’s been fun to hang out, and have a glass of wine after work…and to be honest, I’m sad too.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than ready, but it’s a bit bitter sweet as I know that this time I’m moving out into a new phase/chapter and God-willing I’ll never need to live at home again…although I guess I said that when I moved out after college too.

But I know I always could, if I needed to.

It’s been a great and transformative 9 months.   

I’ve rekindled/strengthened old friendships with people at home and I’ve spent many enjoyable Wednesday nights throwing some back with old friends where our friend bartends.  It’s really been fun.  Also, since moving I’ve gotten new jobs, I’ve worked on the first post-masters year of my career, and a year closer to being independently licensed, I’ve met new people, I’ve seen my family a lot, and I met someone really special to me.

It really has all fallen into place.

Sure, there will be choppy waters from time to time, but really these last 9 months have been the comfortable and comforting transition I needed into this next phase of my life.  Maybe I’m a bit behind for someone turning 28 in a couple weeks; maybe I’m a bit ahead, who knows. 

As of right now I’m just where I am. 

And tomorrow I’ll be somewhere different. 

Literally.

Until next time,

E 

when it rains, it pours

So, I haven't written consistently in a while...for a few reasons, so I wanted to update you briefly (since I know you've been eagerly waiting by your computer for an update about what's going on).  I've been a bit preoccupied with the many changes going on in my life, which are all good reasons for the first time in what feels like ages. 

 

I've been feeling pretty damn lucky.

 

I noticed that stuff started to shift for me at the beginning of February (and likely before).  I had been interviewing for jobs, I was looking for apartments to move into, and I had been actively meeting new people.

 

Then one week pretty much all the major areas of my life took a turn towards the direction I was ultimately hoping for.  I can't predict the future, obviously, but they are all very welcome changes and at this very moment (this moment is all that really exists) they are all things I'm excited about and feel very right for me.

 

The first thing that came to fruition is work.

 

At the end of this month I'll be working full time in one of the clinics I've been working at part time for the last few months.  This is something I'm really excited about since the clinic is full of great people, I really like my clients and it will ultimately be a great growing/learning opportunity for me.  They are excited to have me on board, too which feels really nice.  My clinical mentor (was my supervisor when I was still in school at my first placement) is who pulled me on and I'm just really excited to be working with her again and for the long term.  It's about who you know...and about being kick ass, obviously.

 

So that got confirmed which is very exciting and I'm very much looking forward to having a consistent schedule Monday-Thursday.  They are long days but ultimately when I've transitioned out of my other clinic (I'll be there on Fridays for a little while) I'll have 3 day weekends! Can't beat that!

 

A few days after work stuff got settled/finalized I solidified my next living situation.  Yes, it's finally arrived.  The "living at home again" thing is coming to an end.  I'm sad on some levels to leave my hometown, it's been nice to be at home with my mom and the dog, and it's been great to not pay rent...so it's not 100% happy, but it's like 90% happy.  And I'm ready to be on my own and be a real adult again.

 

The finding an apartment is a "it's a small world" kind of story. 

 

I had asked around (on FB primarily) if anyone knew people who needed a roommate.  I got a few leads that were good but not quite right (not in the right location, too expensive, short term and I'd have to move again in September...etc). 

 

So I started to look on Craigslist, which I know people have mixed feelings about, but I actually met an awesome roommate in the past on it. Plus I assess people for my job so I tend to pick up on glaring red flags.  Anyway, I had looked at 3 or so apartments off Craigslist. One apartment was great but I wasn't feeling the roommate situation.  One roommate situation seemed great but the place was kind of a dump, etc etc. 

 

Then I saw a listing for what looked like a nice apt with the features I was looking for, in my price range and I emailed the person.  "Hey my name is E and I'm looking to move bla bla bla bla".  A little while later I got an email back saying "This is strange...is this E from such and such town?". 

 

It just so happened that the person emailing me back was someone I went to Hebrew school with when I was in elementary/middle school.  I met up with her (she's great, smart, hard working, fun, nice, etc), checked out the apartment (big, sunny, good location, laundry in the unit, big closets) and I was pretty pumped about it! 

 

So low and behold I'll be moving into an apartment with someone I knew as a kid, at the end of this month.  It's so funny to me that we reconnected through Craigslist.  Oh the wonders of the internet.  Don't even get me started on how my long lost sister found the rest of us siblings through Facebook...that's for another post.

 

So those two things alone have been a significant shift for me, and they are the main things that I've been waiting (not so patiently) to be put into place.

 

The third thing (they say things come in threes), I won't get much into here (yet, at least)...but I met a great guy that I'm having a lot of fun with.  Like I said, I'm not psychic, and it's early yet...but in tandem with all the other changes it feels like a great addition to my life with incredibly serendipitous timing.  I'm excited about him, and he's excited about me.  No matter what happens he's really shown me what it feels like to be appreciated, treated well, be with someone who is thoughtful and considerate and I think I "knew" that existed but I didn't really KNOW.  Maybe you can't truly know until you feel it.  Probably another post brewing on that one...anyway - I hope to continue to have good things to say about him and how he makes me feel. :)

 

So needless to say the last few weeks have been busy, full, exciting and full of changes.

 

The real transition will be at the end of March when the work stuff actually changes and I take the leap and move into my next apartment.  I'm sure it will have it's challenges and stresses. I'm sure that there will be hiccups here and there...

 

In the mean time, I'm working really hard to enjoy the moment right now, and take each day at a time. I don't want to wish away the next couple of weeks since there are exciting things waiting for me "then". I really want to practice being mindful, staying present, and enjoying the ride versus just wishing for the destination. 

 

SO.

 

For those of you who feel stuck, or bored, or ready for change, but feel like nothing is giving...

 

Keep at it, make the changes you do have control over, put yourself out there (online dating, craigslist for roommates, Facebook, join a club, do sports, make healthy decisions...whatever) and ultimately something will give.  Something will shift.

 

And sometimes what they say is true, when it rains, it pours.

 

I'm enjoying this monsoon I must say.

 

Until next time,

E

gluten for punishment

Those of you who have been around me when there is food around, grabbed dinner, tried to grab a beer, or anything that has to do with consumption in the last 4 months knows...I've become a glutard.

I believe that isn't PC but whatever.

I found out by doing the cleanse that I told you guys about, and when I re-introduced wheat/bread/pasta back into my diet I felt like crap.

I don't have Celiac, but I've become pretty sensitive to gluten (found in some grains, namely wheat).  I won't go into details about how it manifests in me, but let's just say it doesn't feel good and I feel much better without it in my diet.

Once in a while I'm faced with a situation where my two options are something with gluten in it, or not eat at all.  In those cases I eat the food and just spend the rest of the day regretting it.  No big deal.

And then there are sometimes where I just can't resist something delicious and I eat it when I shouldn't. Maybe I'm just a gluten for punishment, or maybe it's just hard to resist a fresh baked cookie, or deep fried piece of buffalo chicken.

gluten free "Against The Grain" crust from Whole Foods
sautéed spinach and tomato sauce
goat cheese chedar
turkey bacon

BUT I have felt so significantly better (and lost 15lbs without trying), and in 90% of the cases there is a gluten free option so it's pretty easy (many restaurants have this now) and I make food that is gluten free (like pizza I made yesterday...YUM).

Most people have been super understanding and accommodating...but I always feel bad when I can't eat something they have made, or we go somewhere and there is only one option without bread in it...and then I feel bad for making a fuss about what I need to/can't eat.

Some people have acted like it was a big travesty (one guy I went on a date with said his ex had Celiac and it was the worst thing ever to deal with (for him mind you...not for her)).  But really it's super easy for me since I don't have to be SO careful like those with celiacs really have to be.

Some people forget or don't understand it much, so they tend to ask a lot of questions, or offer me a beer (probably the thing I miss most) and then quickly retract it and apologize.

No worries...I'm not expecting you to worry about my dietary needs!

But a little info about gluten, sensitivity, and celiacs a la Wikipedia if you're interested:

Gluten

I'm just a little sensitive

Celiac

I don't think gluten-free is a "diet" that people should do just for the sake of weight loss or anything but it does seem like more and more people are sensitive or have a hard time digesting gluten.

I forget what I was reading (so don't quote me exactly), but it was something like wheat today has 200-300x MORE gluten in it then a couple generations ago.  This is due to genetically modifying food to be more hearty against pesticides or making more and more superfood versions of foods/crops.

I haven't seen it yet but this has to do with things talked about in Food Inc., or any politically charged-food related uproar that has started to take shape more and more (like mandating labels indicating when something is genetically engineered, etc).

Anyway, if you feel like you can't drop some lbs even though you work hard at working out and eating right, or if you feel like you never feel good after you eat, or you're low in energy, it's possible that you have a food sensitivity that isn't giving you rashes or something, but is affecting your overall health.

Happy eating, and thanks for offering me a hard cider or a gluten free beer next time!

Until next time,
E

the ghost of boyfriends past

So some of you have ex's that you run in the same social circles with still (don't know how you do that), some of you never see ex's again because they move far away, you move far away, or your lives don't intersect, and then some of you have likely experienced a run-in.

I guess I feel lucky I haven't had a full on run-in with my last ex, but last night was pretty damn close.

I fairly last minute decided to drive into the city after work (in the snow) to meet up for a late dinner with a couple of my close friends.  We met somewhere where I could park in a parking garage for not too much money and was close enough to where they lived that it made sense for all of us.

Note: Not his actual SUV.

Keeping in mind that right now I don't live in the city, "He" I think lives somewhere outside the city (though he was living further away when we dated, go figure).  So for us to be in/near the same place is typically unlikely just in general, never mind on a snowy Thursday.

I'm driving down the side street to where the parking garage is and I see "his" SUV.  I didn't think it was literally his SUV, but when I see his similar make/model/color it does kind of make me tense for a moment (as it's not a very common car like a black Civic or something, it stands out).  But typically its not the exact year/model or whatever or there is a woman driving it (haha).

So I walked out of the parking garage and in front of me is "his SUV" that I drove by, except for this time it literally was HIS.

It had our damn Alumni sticker I put on it when we were dating.

Needless to say I spent much of that evening looking over my shoulder and wondering if I'd run into him.

My friends were sweet and asked me if we should leave and go somewhere else.  But I didn't want him to dictate my night any more than it already had.  So we stayed put, though I had really wished I had made a better effort with my hair that morning.

I don't know what I'd even say at this point.  "Hi, how are you? How's your family?" and to his questions "I'm doing great, I have a new career I love" (but really a basically whole new life since we were together...).

Likely he was at one of the bars/restaurants next to the one I was at, because I didn't run into him.

I joked that I should text him.  But you'd be proud to know I didn't...and I never have.  I'm surprised I never drunk texted him, but I knew that it wouldn't be good for me to do that...ever really.

The Carrie Underwood song Before He Cheats came on at the bar (the irony was not lost on us) and I joked to my friends that I should do all those things to his SUV, or write a message in the snow on his windshield.  Obviously I wouldn't do that.  I don't harbor anger towards him, though sometimes I think it would be easier if I did.

I'd say I'm slightly (being kind to myself) hung up on that relationship, simply because it was my last serious relationship, and since then I've yet to find someone who fits the mold better.  I know I will, but it just hasn't happened yet.  Who knows maybe it will happen tonight.  Maybe it will happen next year.

But until then, I still feel a bit haunted by him.

So much was triggered by that.  It's bad enough when I have a dream about him, or THINK I see his car, or something reminds me of him...and then years since we've even spoken, for me to walk by his car and know he was near me, it was really a mind fuck.  I came home last night and was a bit upset.

I've realized more and more that it has nothing to do with him specifically.  I don't even know him anymore.  What is sad is that someone can be such a part of your life for YEARS and then just suddenly is a stranger.

But this is life.

It's good I didn't see him for a lot of reasons, but I have to say I was a bit disappointed, if I'm being honest.  

Adele vs. Bella.
My money is on Adele.

I wanted him to see how well I was doing, how I'm in better shape then back then, and I wanted to confirm to myself that it's good that I'm not still with him.

But I didn't get that chance.  I have to find closure in other ways, or to continue to "shoo" his ghost in my mind away, until there is no room for him in there because someone else has my fullest attention.  

I told my mother I had to "ice my face" (my eyes swell with like 4 tears).  She told me that would be a good blog title...so while it's not the title, I figured I'd share.

I can't be the only one who is haunted at times by the ghost of boyfriends past.  Take Adele and Bella.  I mean clearly there are different ways to cope with breaking up, or moving on...instead of it making me a weak little bird that can't fly (which it hasn't...get a grip Bella); it's giving me a lot of material that will help in my work and my writing, help me be a better girlfriend/have a better relationship in the future, and/or that it helps you in some way.

I hope that next time I can walk by his SUV, and not even notice it's there...and that I stop tearing up at every Adele song. Maybe someday I'll make millions because of my ex, like she does.

Bleh, anyway.  Time to really exorcise the ex-demon.  The power of MYSELF compels you!

Until next time,
E