two lawyers walk into a bar...

...and E goes on dates with both of them.

Ha.

Okay, that wasn't supposed to be a joke, it's actually the summation of my dating life in the last couple weeks.

So, I suppose you could still call it a joke.

Because I love you guys, and because I can find humor in my dating failures (and so can you), and maybe you/I can learn from my mistakes/wrong turns/epiphanies, I figured I'd share.

**
I was trying to heed the advice of my recent guest blogger (Connor Mead) by not sticking so rigidly to my "list".

Like most people I have a somewhat informal running list (okay, maybe I've put it in Excel before, pivot tables anyone?) of things I'd like in my next relationship...this includes some things about the guy, how I want to feel around him and the different aspects of the relationship...pretty basic stuff.  Good guy, have fun, chemistry, mutuality...and tall.  I like them tall.

But, since I believe that if you don't change your approach you can't expect different results, I decided to start to give some guys a chance that I might not normally be interested in.

These aren't guys that I shouldn't be interested in, per se, we're talking eligible bachelors...but maybe not typically my type (when someone single says that you should retort with "well looks like your type hasn't been working for you", "...touché" they should reply).

Moving on.

I was seeing these two guys (not together, obviously, and no they didn't walk into the bar together, the joke is a loose depiction of my dating life mind you) and we'll call them Mr. Esquire 1 and Mr. Esquire 2.

Aside from both being Jewish (bonus points, not mandatory) lawyers, they were very different from one another.

Mr. Esq 1 was very proper.  He was a nice southern boy who suggested classy establishments to meet at for our dates.  He was engaging, asked me a lot of questions but also offered up a lot about himself.  He was smart and driven and funny.  He hailed from one of the best universities in the country.  He had a little bit of the curse of niceness, but was interesting enough that it wasn't a turn off.

He kissed me after the first date, which surprised me.  It was nice.  I was surprised he was forward enough to "make a move" based upon his properness so even though I wasn't 100% about him, he had surprised me so I met him again.

We had similar stories in terms of our complicated families, he was worldly and had also made a career change, he stacked up to any list someone would have made.

He did the right things, he paid for drinks, he followed up, he suggested fun things to do, he held the door.

So what was it that I was hesitant about?  Was it really the hair I saw creeping up from the top of the back of his shirt?  Was it really that he vaguely looked like someone I used to date?  Was it really that I just didn't find him manly enough?

I don't think it was anything in particular, but when I awkwardly avoided his kiss on the second date - which mind you was in broad daylight in public (so bad when you keep talking just so that they can't kiss you), I realized that my desire to push him up against the wall and give into any physical desire just wasn't there...I had to call it quits.

I let him down gently, he was understanding and appreciative that I was honest with him.

I was interested in him as a friend, he's a cool guy.  Maybe if I'm single when I'm 35 I'll be fine with a companion that is just my friend, but right now physical chemistry and desire is a must.

Mr. Esq 2 was very laid back.  He was a nice local guy who for our first date suggested a bar on the same block as his apartment, where his friends hung out frequently.

He showed up in a long sleeved t-shirt (which on the second date he told me his friends had reamed him out for wearing), and I just felt like he wasn't taking things seriously enough. He knew the bartender (female) who monopolized much of the first date with talking to him about being sworn in.  He didn't introduce us and it was kind of awkward.

I don't need things serious all the time, but having me meet you at the closest bar possible to your house and talking to the bartender the first half of the date is just not my idea of a good/exciting time.

The rest of the date (once we were actually talking to each other versus the bartender) was enjoyable enough that when he asked me out again, I figured, why not.  He proposed playing pool, so I was excited to do something fun...friendly competition is a good time on dates.

Again, we went to a fairly local bar to him (he didn't make suggestions to meet half way, or ask where I'd like to go, but I figured he came up with the idea so I went with it).   We played pool, we were a bit more flirty than the first date, and it was fun.  We wound up at a total dive bar which was funny and I think more typical of his type of hanging out situation, but don't get me wrong, I like a good dive bar now and again.

Overall it was a good time.  I paid for a couple of our drinks, which I don't usually mind at all, but there was a level of inconsideration (is that a word? looks funny) and a lack of maturity on his part that irked me a little and made me resent grabbing some rounds.

I wasn't sure how I felt about him even during the date.  I'm usually pretty clear about "yes, I'm interested" or "no, I'm not".  He was on the edge of that.

So what was it that I was hesitant about?  Was it really that he showed up too casual on the first date and was too nonchalant?  Was it really that I felt like I was on a college date? Was it really that I felt like he was interested in what I looked like and not genuinely interested in anything else about me?

We had fun, I was attracted to him enough that I didn't awkwardly resist him kissing me like Esq1.  But he just felt like he was 22 (though he's in his late 20's)...I was a bit turned off by going out to the bars I did that age, and his still wanting to stay within a 4 block radius of his apartment.

There was something about it that just felt like we were in different places in our lives and looking for different types of relationships.  I talked to him about it yesterday (after he had been following up with friendly conversation since our last date...but after a week the back and forth seemed to lead no where).   He said he agreed that he wasn't sure if we were really lining up right.  Who knows what he really thought.

**
Even though during these dates with these two guys I was making a concerted effort to not worry about the things on my list, they actually had a lot of the things on that list (despite me mentioning a lot of the negative things above).

Both made me laugh, both were interesting and driven (though in different ways), both were tall enough.  Both of them were attractive enough that if I had really felt connected or intrigued by them I would have found them increasingly attractive.

All of the things I had hesitated about were not deal breakers individually (I mean back hair isn't attractive but there are ways to deal with that.  Who cares what bar we go to, if you're an awesome guy and I'm excited about you we could be sitting in the library and I'd enjoy myself), and I know from experience that when you like someone enough their flaws, or whatever, become endearing or you overlook them (at least initially)...

...but still I wasn't really feeling that connected to either of them.

So while I was doing a bit of nit picking, it wasn't that I felt that anything about them was black/white a yes/no...but the whole gestalt of the person and how I felt around them just...wasn't it.

I'm glad I went out with both of them a few times.  I'm glad to have met some cool guys that I enjoyed spending time with despite not feeling like I wanted to date them.

I learned that even when you're not guy shopping according to your list you can still find guys who actually have the things you need and want...and the reality is that even with those attributes the guy might not be the right fit for you.

I'm still waiting for the right fit.

I'm starting to lose steam on looking, however, so maybe it will find me.  I'm tossing my "would be nice to have" list aside (though not forgetting my standards/needs), and remaining open to meeting new people and seeing when the spaghetti sticks to the ceiling to let me know that the noodle, that is a relationship, is fully cooked.

Sorry, really bad metaphor but you get the point.

Aaaand sorry for the rambling post about my lawyer duo escapades...it was interesting for me and when I talked to friends about going on dates with two lawyers, it just sounded like a bad joke that I had to share.

Until next time,
E-less-squire

Thanksgiving Eve - Get your reunion on.

Tomorrow kicks off the holiday season, which as you know, is the whirlwind of money spending, holiday food eating, reuniting and well, drinking.

The night before Thanksiving (Thanksgiving Eve/Reunion Night/Hey, How You Been Night), is when everyone is back in their hometown after sometimes a year or so (unless of course you live there...).  

Most hometowns have their hot spot for Wednesday night where most people congregate for an informal reunion of sorts.  

Since Facebook is what connects us all (check out how FB has made the 7 degrees of seperation...SMALLER), the "need" for this reunion, or the amount that you can talk about is reduced.  I can ask you how you're doing, but the likely case is for the most part I know what part of the city you live in, if you're dating, if you're working, and what your general weight is (and if it's changed) since the last time I saw you.

This makes the Hey, how you been? question a bit less authentic and more small talk than it ever was...and I'm pretty sure it's always been that way, in some capacity.

It is nice, though, to have an excuse to see people from childhood that you don't typically go out of the way of seeing, but I feel the pleasantries are nice and nostalgic.  

For those of you who didn't like high school, maybe you avoid this night all together or it's anxiety provoking because you're not really sure how you'll be received, or you could not care less about the folks going.  I encourage you to go out and give people another shot, who knows who you might connect with.

I enjoy going, I loved high school, actually.  For the most part it is an excuse to see my friends, and an opportunity to connect with people I haven't in ages.  

This year I'm really going to work on being extra non-judgmental.  

I mean typically I'm not really, but I'm hoping that my non-judgement is reciprocated when people ask "so where are you living" and I tell them "around the corner with my mah".  

Maybe they'll have read this by then and not even ask me.  Maybe they'll have read this by then and still ask me and pass judgement.  Either way, we're all in different places in our lives, so F off if you care that much about my financial situation. Okie? :)

Next year around this time (is my guess) we'll be having our official 10 year reunion.  

I just threw up in my mouth a little.  

Yeah, we're getting old.  You know who you are.

Two years ago was the last time that I was willing to go to our Thanksgiving Eve "hotspot" because I realized that some of the people I babysat for when I was younger were drunk and LEGAL to do so, and that everyone looked about 12 years old, and about 90 lbs.  Bleh.

So last year I decided, with friends, to branch out from where we had been going essentially since the middle of college...and it was a much quieter, more adult, you could actually walk around the bar without literally bumping and pushing people who knew you when you were awkward, and overall a more friendly time.  We'll see where we all end up this year, I might feel the need to do a bit of bar/restaurant hopping to get the right feel/combo of people.  We'll see.  

**Also, as a friendly reminder, the next couple days are really dangerous for drunk driving.  Since you'll be home, don't be ashamed to ask Mom or Dad or your little sister to come pick you up...it's better than missing Thanksgiving all-together.  This time of year marks the loss of some people I know as a result of driving accidents, so take care, drink responsibly, and drive safely.**

Speaking of, the holiday season can be anniversaries of things, or bring up memories of things that can be really tough for people.  You would think that it would be all fun and games, but for people who have painful memories of family members who are no longer with us, or remembering  fighting over the dinner table, or remember financial troubles around this time, it can be a tough time.  There are things in my life that have made parts of this season painful, but I refuse to let anything tarnish my Thanksgiving day, I will only let it be enjoyable.

Thanksgiving happens to be my favorite holiday, mostly because of the stuffing (which I'm not even sure I can eat, more about this in a post coming soon).  A couple of my cousins won't be making it this year, but otherwise for the most part my whole mom's side of the family gets together and eats and drinks and enjoys our time.  

My grandmother always asks us to go around and share what we're thankful for which makes us squirm a little, but frankly we need to do this. We need to remember what we're thankful for.  There are so many things in our lives we complain about, wish were different, envy about others, and take advantage of, that we need to take the time (more frequently, frankly) and remind ourselves of this. 

I'm thankful for: my supportive family (extended and immediate), my friends who I can tell anything to and they love me anyway, my friends who I'm getting closer to, or have known me forever and who I so appreciate having a great time with, for my bosses for being great supports of my new career and encouraging me to be a great therapist (and showing me how by example), for my overall health and well being, for the health of most of the people I care about (and for those who are sick or passed away, for my opportunity to know and love them when they were healthy and alive, I'm thankful for my luck, my opportunities, my failures I've learned from and the future I have ahead of me...just to name a few.

I asked Facebook what people were thankful for, and only a handful of people answered.  I was pretty surprised by this, I might ask again.  As of today the common answers were health, family, friends and job.  I have to say, if you've got 3 of 4 of those things, you're doing pretty well...sadly not everyone has those.  Please feel free to post a comment about what you're thankful for, I think it encourages others to think about it and when we write these things I think it's helpful for us too (hence why I even have a blog in the first place).

Cheers, be well, be thankful and happy holiday season kick off.

Until next time,
Thankfull-E

PS. I can't write about Thanksgiving without at least acknowledging this:

The one thing that does somewhat tarnish Thanksgiving (and means we just need to be even MORE thankful) is that Thanksgiving has a dark past.  Like Columbus Day I think there are many things wrong with celebrating the deceiving, taking advantage of and killing of almost an entire race of people.  But I'll leave politics/history/controversy at the door, and let myself enjoy the holiday, seeing family, probably some of you, and some of my other friends.  

GUEST BLOGGER: Connor Mead: How to lose a guy in 1 month.

So ask and you shall receive.  What are guys thinking when you are dating them? How are guys evaluating you, ladies?  

Here is some inside scoop from a friend of mine, let's call him...Connor Mead.  

Connor has been so kind to give us a brief and helpful look inside the mind of a very capable, hard working, successful introspective, attractive, energetic, intelligent (and yes, he's real, good guys are not extinct) single 20 something guy...and compare it a bit to us ladies.  (Connor might say that was a rundown of my checklist, perhaps. Read on to hear more.)

I felt that giving another voice here would be helpful, and since we've chatted many times about our dating lives (and lack of, at times), I figured why not share him with y'all.  

I hope you enjoy another perspective.  Feedback and comments (as usual) are more than welcomed, and if all goes well, maybe we'll have Mr. Mead visit from time to time for some male perspective. :)


My take away from this post is, that if you're still looking for that special someone, it's time to stop being so ridged with our criteria, and start being open to what type of relationship we want, versus just peoples' stats.

Without further ado:

Until next time,

E

****

Hello! My name is Mr. Connor Mead. I am a 20 something guy enjoying all that my lovely city has to offer. I have been in all the situations people our age utilize to meet someone of the opposite sex: bars, friend’s parties, family setup, blind dates, office romances, online dating, random places like the super market, and all have provided great experiences and stories.  After a few convo’s with “E”, I thought why not offer the guys perspective on at least one aspect of this crazy dating world many of us find ourselves in. 


Currently, as a self diagnosed “nice guy who finishes last” I feel the hardest part I have been finding in navigating the dating scene is not meeting a woman’s “checklist” criteria. What is “checklisting” you say? Every girl has a complex algorithm of categorizing and critiquing a guy that makes launching a man into space look easy. This “checklist” is a rating that they put on every aspect of a man, weather they realize it or not. Sometimes it is as simple as how he looks, sometimes it is as complex as “I can’t put my finger on it but he just doesn’t seem to have enough edge.” Men are asked a million questions with everything from tone to how we hold a fork being evaluated. We are forced into non- traditional channels like texts that involve emoticons. Our FB profiles are combed to understand what we looked like in 2003. OK, I know I am being a bit over the top, but you get the idea, a woman wants to know everything thing about us as fast as possible to make a quick decision about how worthy of their time we are.

Now before you think I am placing all the blame on woman. Men, just as much as woman, have their own methodologies on dating. Men look at woman like sports cards. Everyone woman has stats that form her “Sports Card.” When I meet with my friends (both guys and girls) and I tell them about a new girl. I read her stats off right away. Where is she from, what does she do, what does she look like, family setup, interests, noteworthy moments in her life, and so on. Every nugget of our conversation and interaction is put into a category on a mental “sports card” that describes who she is. Men do this so they can compare cards to each other, both in their own collection and to other guys. You always want to be the best, have the best, and show off that you have it. And when that card no longer seems to hold the value that you may be looking for, you trade it away for a better card.

The bottom line using the “checklist” and “sports card” tactic - they are two sides to the same coin. Each party is evaluating, pigeon holing, and using pre conceived notions to reach a final judgment that in most cases is not a true picture of a person. Time and joint experiences are the keys to really connecting with someone.

Too often we don’t let things happen naturally anymore. Women don’t give Men a chance because of prior issues or scars from earlier relationships. Guys don’t want to put in the effort or be chivalrous because they feel girls are just “playing games” or “manipulating them”. In the end I titled this post, how to lose a guy in 1 month, as this is the time it takes the truth to finally bubble up. It is around that mark when people start being real. So I have two simple requests for the readers of this blog and this post as I fully support and enjoy what “E” exposes regarding dating/relationships.

1. Women – Please give guys a chance, for once, open your MIND, let a guy in a bit, and don’t be so quick to judge
2. Men – go out of your way a bit, buy that drink for the girl, hold a door open, bring a flower, use your ears and listen, don’t be afraid to stand up, open your HEART, and treat a girl right.

Stay hungry -- CM

cleanse, detox, diet...oh my!

So for those of you who are friends with me "in real life", or even acquaintances on Facebook, this last week you have heard me gripe about the cleanse diet that I'm on right now.

Today marks day 7 of 10 (ish, depending upon some factors).

I'll answer some of the questions you may have, as others have asked me:

Why on earth did you decide to do this?
Without getting into details about my digestion/health/etc, I'll just share that about a month ago, for 10 days I had pain in my stomach after every meal. I tried to change foods to see what affected the pain, but I couldn't really figure it out.  My mom suggested I meet with a nutritionist/health coach to see if they had any ideas.  I don't tend to "go to the doctor" unless something is unbearable or really worrisome and try to approach my health with alternative means versus popping pills, so this seemed like a good first step to figuring out what was going on.

We first started to meet and we discussed my diet, exercise, overall health, etc.  The first thing she told me, which I tell my clients, is that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  I know, I know.  Practice what you preach, E...but I have a hard time eating breakfast.  I typically start the day with milking a big coffee for much of the morning then around lunchtime I'm ready for, well, lunch.

She said no way Jose, eating breakfast (really anything) within the first hour of waking is the most healthy.  So for a week or two I started to work on eating breakfast.  Protein/healthy fat type of breakfasts (eggs) gave me the most energy and feeling of being full the longest...the trouble is, yogurt or a piece of toast is much quicker, but the sugar/carbs can make you crash.

Anyway back to what I'm supposed to be talking about - the cleanse.

My health coach/nutritionist every few months will do a cleanse diet that many of her clients will participate in at the same time.  She outlines what we can eat each day, what we can't and kind of motivates us through the 10 days.

THE GOAL of the cleanse is to detox your system, particularly your liver (sorry liver, realizing how much I abused you these last, say, 10 years) of harsh chemicals from foods we eat, drinking, smoking for people who smoke, medications, outside pollutants, etc.  It's a time to minimize what we put in our body to get rid of unwanted chemicals/toxins.  

In addition to this, I'm also using it to see if there are any foods/food groups (ie, the most likely are dairy, gluten) that I have sensitivities to.  Apparently when you have sensitivities to food, your body can be in a state of being constantly "inflamed" and fighting those foods, which makes it harder to lose weight despite lots of running, or feel tired despite lots of sleep (some of my complaints).

So it's all very hopeful that I'll be able to sort some of this stuff out.

What on earth does it entail?
Veggies.  I mean we're talking a lot of F-ing veggies.  Each day you move through the cleans you are eliminating different types of food and by day 5-7 it really just leaves you with leaves...yeah, leafy greens.

To start, however, during the ENTIRE 10 days you aren't supposed to have any: meat, caffeine, alcohol, refined/added sugar/processed sugar/honey/sweetner.  WHAT?  Yah, seriously this in itself is a detox.

Pretty quickly dairy and eggs are eliminated (after day 1), and soon after nuts (after day 3), then most fruits and then even some veggies have been cut out (after day 4) in order to be focusing on very concentrated green veggies that help to detox your system (and 3-4 protein drinks over the day to make sure that all the important nutrients are getting into your system).

You shouldn't ever been hungry on the diet, the goal is not to starve or anything.  The protein drinks are filling.  But it's hard with these middle days before we start adding foods back into our diets for the next 3-7 days to just eat bowls and bowls of kale, arugula, brussle sprouts, broccoli and cabbage without any sort of yummy sauces or what feels like a main course...

Again, why on earth did you decide to do this?
Honestly, I'm just sick of feeling "bleh".  I work hard to exercise pretty regularly and didn't notice a difference in my body or weight, I felt tired regardless of how much sleep I was getting and I was starting to have some stomach challenges (note: for those of you, women typically, who have stomach challenges - doctors commonly will diagnose you with IBS when they aren't sure what it really is...often times a change in diet, or a detox with supervision of a professional is something that significantly changes/illuminates the problem).

If something I can do may change this and I'll feel good, then I wanted to try it...and stomach issues are not something I'm a fan of, so let's figure this out.

What have you noticed so far?
Primarily?  How hard it is to resist eating foods that give me comfort, how hard it is to resist having a drink when I'm out being social, how hard it is not to snack on something, or much on something that isn't good for me when it is around me...How hard it is to not think about food.

It's actually been pretty tough emotionally.  I mean I knew I was tied to coffee, like really tied to coffee.  I had been drinking coffee daily since I got my license.  I mean you remember feeling cool walking into high school with a big ice coffee (extra, extra, so there was as little coffee in it as possible), that is how people knew that you drove to school.  Well since then my coffee love has matured (for iced, no sweetner typically and just a splash of half and half) and it became less about people seeing me drink coffee, to just really loving it.  I've said on more than one occasion it is the reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Also, there is food messaging, EVERYWHERE.  You can not drive down the high way, watch tv, go out with friends, talk to friends, go to the mall, stop in the store without a million images of fried, chemically made, tasty, bad for you food...literally everywhere.

It is amazing how much our culture is built on consuming, literally consuming.  I knew it before, but it has been so much more apparent this last week.

Physically I'm surprised I have as much energy as I do (don't tell my coach, she may resort me to decaf!).  Day 2 I had a crazy headache which made me go to bed around 9pm (early for me), due to caffeine withdrawal.  I've had a dull head ache since, which might be because I'm 'detoxing' and I feel a bit hungover at times which I think is also since I'm detoxing.

I've lost weight. Probably about 5lbs.  Aside from the actual weight I'm a bit thinner overall, and I mean that I can tell my body is holding less bloat, but like I mentioned about being "inflamed" I feel that I'm not as bulky, if that makes sense.

I miss foods emotionally which is surprising, but also I think I'll appreciate foods and feeling satisfied by food a lot more after this experience.

What are you craving?
Well I'm craving meat, more tasty foods, variety overall.  Not really much specifically right now.

If you had asked me a couple of days ago I would have said coffee, grilled cheese, steak and red wine.

The red wine still stands, I'd be cool with a glass (not at 9 in the am of course), but I think primarily at this point I'm just looking forward to adding things back in that I'll take anything, since the menu has been super limited the last few days.

That seems hard, how are you doing it?
Willpower I wasn't even aware of, frankly.  But it's not willpower alone. My mother is doing it, and there is a group of us doing it at the same time.  Not wanting to slip up and really only hurt myself in the end, is also a big motivator.  Also, not that the goal was to directly lose weight, and it's not been a ton, but feeling like it's making me healthier as a result has been motivating.

What has been tough is just lacking the desire to really eat more and more veggies. I'm just veggied out at this point.  I think that's the hardest part is just being bored with food.

But this presents an interesting thing.  Bored with food.  Food is to nourish us. Really that is the main goal.  So what does it matter if it's bland/same old same old...if I'm nourished why do I care what it is I'm eating?

Well I've been conditioned to seek out foods that taste good, that fill me up how I enjoy, that give me comfort, that are interesting in flavor and texture and combination, and we have all kind of learned in this society to seek that out.

Aren't you afraid that you'll find out that you can't have something you love?
Yes.  Absolutely.  I'm super afraid that some of my favorite things (coffee, cheese, bread, meat, beer, wine, spicy foods, etc), affect my health/mood/energy etc. negatively.

BUT if I know that reducing (or eliminating depending upon the severity of how I feel when I re-introduce the foods back in over the next week)  whatever I'm sensitive to, that I can feel better...If I can be healthier and I can lose a bit of weight, then I think ultimately that will trump enjoying a plate of pasta or a bowl of ice cream.

What is good is that there are many people before me who have allergies/sensitivities who have paved the way and sought out/made alternatives.  I've already introduced some of the alternatives to my diet (before the cleanse) like Jovial rice pasta for instance (one of the good brands out there you would not be able to tell the difference between regular penne and this penne)...

...and I'm not too worried now that I've already managed to eliminate EVERYTHING I like, I can live with out 1 or 2 things that I like.

****

I'm not sure if I'll return to all my old ways.  I think if I notice big changes over the next few days that are encouraging I might try and stay away from overeating the typical problem foods (gluten/dairy/tons of carbs/sugar).

I also think that I might just overall eat less and more balanced meals.  I think strict restrictions tend to make people over compensate and binge on foods that aren't good for them.  I'm not looking for a long term diet that is all about I can't eat this, I can't eat that, but I want to be more conscious about my food choices, and choose options that are healthier for my body in particular...a lifestyle change around food.

We'll see.  My mood/thoughts/feelings change a couple times over the course of the day around food.  Sometimes I feel frustrated or sad, sometimes I feel empowered and sometimes I just feel, well, good.

I'll keep you posted as I learn more.  If I do have to make long term dietary changes, I'll let you know what I find as good substitutes so you can implement them too, if you need to.

With Thanksgiving looming (Seriously, November when did this happen!?) and with all this talk about food, let's take a moment and remember that there are also many people in the world, even in this country and, in your town and probably even within a minute drive of you (and me) that don't have enough food, or enough healthy food.

Let's be thankful for what food we do have (even if it's all veggies and you can't imagine eating another piece of broccoli!!) and our overall health.

Until next time.
Veg-E

looks like a duck, quacks like a duck

So without getting into details to avoid rehashing a crappy situation I'll just say that the guy I was "seeing" (or whatever you call it these days), apparently isn't interested in it anymore.

It's pretty crappy that a guy and girl can really hit it off, have chemistry, things in common, laugh a lot, have fun together...things go well for a while and then poof.  He's managed to just trail off with communication, started to flake on dates and then now, I think it's clear there is nothing.

So when this happens what do you (I) do?

You question what you did, if anything, to make this change.  You question why he doesn't like you or doesn't feel connected anymore, you question what's wrong with you, what's wrong with him.  You wonder if maybe he met someone else, or if there is something wrong in his life that he's just not in a place to communicate.  You make excuses for him, then you get angry at the situation, you decide it's not worth it, but then you check your phone again just to see if maybe he texted.

I feel pretty confident that the last few weeks of an exciting beginning culminated in a guy just not following through.  Of course it's not like I was convinced this was "the guy" yet, but I knew I wanted to see him again, and I wanted to get to know him more.  I had some hope that it could be something.  So yah, I'm disappointed.  I'm confused.  I can't help but wonder what happened.

It is hard not to feel hopeless about finding someone, sitting with feeling rejected, or thinking that it reflects badly on me... but these things happen. Not everyone is going to be a good match, even when they seem like they might be.

Even when something looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

...sometimes it's actually a goose.  

So, I'm getting right back on the horse as they say.  Not wasting any time on something that isn't going anywhere...I don't want to miss something else that might present itself in the mean time.

Who knows what will happen.

Part of me wants to say maybe he'll come around, but even being hopeful for that makes me feel like crap. I don't want to be with someone (again) who will turn that quickly and decide that I'm not worth the time or decency to follow through or at the very least a give a simple explanation.

So, I take it back.  Now I'm looking for bigger (taller, at the very least) and better.

Until next time,

E

“Good for you for not dressing like a slut”

Well finally the gluttony of Halloween is over.  The York Peppermint Patties that I bought for the house (I mean, for the trick-or-treaters) is gone, the weekend of drinking pumpkin beer, after pumpkin beer, after witches brew is over, and the time has come to welcome November.

Before I allow myself to move into November completely, I wanted to chat about Halloween briefly (I meant to post last night...but my timing has been off lately, so suck it up and read it anyway).

I love Halloween.  I love the opportunity to dress up, I love seeing people's costumes and laughing at the funny ones or being envious of their clever disguise.

I have a lot of fond memories through the years of Halloween and trick-or-treating...who doesn't remember the houses that always had tons of Reece's Cups and gave out whole candy bars. 

I've also always liked dressing up, even just when I was playing.  As a little girl I would often put on a a bunch of old clothes of my mothers, shoes that were too big for me and mittens as fashion gloves and walk around like a Hollywood star, blowing kisses...or dressing up in old dancing costumes and dancing around the living room. 

I think that it's part of my imagination that never went away as I aged, and remains a joyful thing for me.  Simply put, pretending to be someone, or something, else is fun.  I'm trying not to read into this too  much and evaluate myself on why I like to pretend to be someone else, but I'll just confirm to you and myself that I do love being me. I want to be me...But, for a day (weekend)? I'm cool with being someone else.

Some of the costumes I've been for Halloween were a skeleton, an 80's punk, a witch,  a Greek Goddess, a princess, a slut, a devil, a pumpkin, an angel, a double rainbow…

Wait, what? A slut you say, E?

Well, I'm kidding.  I actually haven't.  

I usually do “homemade” costumes by using things I already own with a few key props.  These costumes tend to err on the side of being less expensive and having longer hem lines (this year I was Amelia Earhart, doesn’t get much sexier than that, right?). 

To be fair, there was one year I wore a very short toga dress (sheet) and another where I wore a long blue t-shirt with leggings, but as I'm writing this I feel like it's silly.  If we’re being honest a sheet or a long t-shirt doesn't really move the needle, in the same way as a sexy bumble bee or a hot version of Mario/Luigi (even with the mustache - jut in time for Movember) does.

I’ve typically been a bit more…well…prude with my costumes.

Not that there is anything wrong with dressing provocatively for Halloween.  Frankly, I think that when people say “it’s just an excuse for girls to get slutty”, that they are right…but I think it makes sense and really who is complaining?  Okay, well other chicks I guess are complaining and typically (like me) they wouldn't be caught dead in something that resembled a sheer short and low cut Princess Jasmine outfit showing...well everything.

To be fair though, I think there is a little dirty Cinderella in all of us. 

For those of you who are confident in your body enough to show it to the world in a bar or at a party (and have your thigh high frills and cleavage forever remembered by your Facebook friends) then who am I to judge that?

Okay I realize that sounded sarcastic, but really, I guess I just know that if I was in better shape or felt like my body was a hot commodity, I would likely want to show it off too. 

Since this weekend I wasn’t dressed like an Amelia Earhart whose clothes were ripped off by her plane (likely) crashing, I didn’t nab any Zombies, or drunken-chicken-eating Red Sox Players, or Jersey Shore Fist Pumpers, but I did manage to get some attention...most notably from…an older heftier lady.

“Good for you for not dressing like a slut,” this woman at the bar leaned over and said. 

“All I see is red slut, green slut, blue slut.”  She continued. 

From there she went on to offer me some of her makeup to make my face look “dirty” which would have actually looked like I was trying to make A.E. look like she was from Africa.  She was a nice lady.  I think she was wearing a candy striper costume that, to be nice, we’ll say was probably for someone who was still eating PB&J with the crust cut off and drawing stick figures…not slutty at all, but way, way, way too small.  I guess having outfits that fit is worthy of a whole other blogpost.

Anyway, back to the compliment about not dressing like an invitation to be hit on. 

Ouch?

I don’t know really how to take that.  Thank you for acknowledging that my skin is primarily covered, but are you calling me frumpy?  Are you inadvertently saying that I don’t look attractive?   Are you like me, Ms. Candy Striper and mad because you’re not getting attention Mr. Spock or Quail Man? 

Of course she was trying to be nice and I got other compliments on my costume calling it cute or creative…so I felt good about what I was wearing, but still, a compliment for not looking slutty almost comes off as a backhanded compliment.

I guess I’ve always kind of been the one that was cute or creative one vs. the overly sexy one.  I guess I’ll just have to leave that to my hot and sexy friends and fellow party goers, and really I'm fine with that.

I have had this daydream where I meet a guy on Halloween and he’s dressed as a giant Solo cup, or Peter Pan or something.  Makes for a good story. I guess that's what most of us are looking for when we dress up and try and impress others either by being scary, attractive, interesting, funny or slutty on Halloween.  

Anyway, enough rambling. 

I say go forth and show whatever you'd like when you dress up for Halloween.  My only word of caution is - If slutty Halloween costumes kind of resemble your normal attire, maybe you need to rethink some things for the 364 other days of the year...

Well maybe more like 363 days - since I enjoy dressing up, I'm thinking I might do a costume party for my birthday this year since it will be on Friday the 13th....Halloween in April? I don't see why not. 

Maybe for that I'll show some skin...birthday suit?

Until next time,

Amelia (E)arhart