GUEST BLOGGER: Connor Mead: How to lose a guy in 1 month.

So ask and you shall receive.  What are guys thinking when you are dating them? How are guys evaluating you, ladies?  

Here is some inside scoop from a friend of mine, let's call him...Connor Mead.  

Connor has been so kind to give us a brief and helpful look inside the mind of a very capable, hard working, successful introspective, attractive, energetic, intelligent (and yes, he's real, good guys are not extinct) single 20 something guy...and compare it a bit to us ladies.  (Connor might say that was a rundown of my checklist, perhaps. Read on to hear more.)

I felt that giving another voice here would be helpful, and since we've chatted many times about our dating lives (and lack of, at times), I figured why not share him with y'all.  

I hope you enjoy another perspective.  Feedback and comments (as usual) are more than welcomed, and if all goes well, maybe we'll have Mr. Mead visit from time to time for some male perspective. :)


My take away from this post is, that if you're still looking for that special someone, it's time to stop being so ridged with our criteria, and start being open to what type of relationship we want, versus just peoples' stats.

Without further ado:

Until next time,

E

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Hello! My name is Mr. Connor Mead. I am a 20 something guy enjoying all that my lovely city has to offer. I have been in all the situations people our age utilize to meet someone of the opposite sex: bars, friend’s parties, family setup, blind dates, office romances, online dating, random places like the super market, and all have provided great experiences and stories.  After a few convo’s with “E”, I thought why not offer the guys perspective on at least one aspect of this crazy dating world many of us find ourselves in. 


Currently, as a self diagnosed “nice guy who finishes last” I feel the hardest part I have been finding in navigating the dating scene is not meeting a woman’s “checklist” criteria. What is “checklisting” you say? Every girl has a complex algorithm of categorizing and critiquing a guy that makes launching a man into space look easy. This “checklist” is a rating that they put on every aspect of a man, weather they realize it or not. Sometimes it is as simple as how he looks, sometimes it is as complex as “I can’t put my finger on it but he just doesn’t seem to have enough edge.” Men are asked a million questions with everything from tone to how we hold a fork being evaluated. We are forced into non- traditional channels like texts that involve emoticons. Our FB profiles are combed to understand what we looked like in 2003. OK, I know I am being a bit over the top, but you get the idea, a woman wants to know everything thing about us as fast as possible to make a quick decision about how worthy of their time we are.

Now before you think I am placing all the blame on woman. Men, just as much as woman, have their own methodologies on dating. Men look at woman like sports cards. Everyone woman has stats that form her “Sports Card.” When I meet with my friends (both guys and girls) and I tell them about a new girl. I read her stats off right away. Where is she from, what does she do, what does she look like, family setup, interests, noteworthy moments in her life, and so on. Every nugget of our conversation and interaction is put into a category on a mental “sports card” that describes who she is. Men do this so they can compare cards to each other, both in their own collection and to other guys. You always want to be the best, have the best, and show off that you have it. And when that card no longer seems to hold the value that you may be looking for, you trade it away for a better card.

The bottom line using the “checklist” and “sports card” tactic - they are two sides to the same coin. Each party is evaluating, pigeon holing, and using pre conceived notions to reach a final judgment that in most cases is not a true picture of a person. Time and joint experiences are the keys to really connecting with someone.

Too often we don’t let things happen naturally anymore. Women don’t give Men a chance because of prior issues or scars from earlier relationships. Guys don’t want to put in the effort or be chivalrous because they feel girls are just “playing games” or “manipulating them”. In the end I titled this post, how to lose a guy in 1 month, as this is the time it takes the truth to finally bubble up. It is around that mark when people start being real. So I have two simple requests for the readers of this blog and this post as I fully support and enjoy what “E” exposes regarding dating/relationships.

1. Women – Please give guys a chance, for once, open your MIND, let a guy in a bit, and don’t be so quick to judge
2. Men – go out of your way a bit, buy that drink for the girl, hold a door open, bring a flower, use your ears and listen, don’t be afraid to stand up, open your HEART, and treat a girl right.

Stay hungry -- CM