I feel like I reference my Ethics class a lot, and I guess I'm learning more in that class (or it brings up more interesting topics) than I realize when I'm sitting in class frustrated by the debate ensuing. In Ethics this week we hit on the subject matter of people doing therapy online, since that is one of the main routes that people communicate these days, and it is only increasing.
We watched a clip of Lisa Kudro's funny online series of some fake video chat therapy to jump start the discussion (there are really therapists who do this, I assume they are better than her). We also talked about email therapy, online chat therapy in a chat room forum, etc.
This brought up a myriad of opinions and while I can see both sides of the coin here, I think online therapy is something I'm not ready to embrace yet for myself (as a client nor as a therapist).
What this also brought up, was the professor's point that we (my current generation, and the ones who are even younger) are much more able to openly communicate online. The irony is not lost on me...here I am writing a pseudo anonymous blog, where I feel I can be fairly open. I'm also being very conscious of the details I give, and balancing the content with vagueness. I do also spend a decent amount of time checking Facebook, which I wish I did less of. I've started to do less simply because I've gotten lazy and post less pictures, but also because school/internship/life has been so busy that I'm checking more on the go on my Droid vs. hanging out on my computer.
So I agree, I think that we are typically more open to talk about tough things in type form (gchat, text, fb, blogging, etc) and this week has been a really good example for me.
This week has brought up several of what I'll call "tough" conversations. Two were via text, one was on the phone and one was in person.
The text message conversations were about two topics that I might not have approached if I had less liquid courage, but instead of waking up feeling like "shit, why did I text them!?" I lucked out that I was instead able to get some direct and clarifying responses that I needed.
The challenge was that it was addressing things that I had a feeling I wasn't going to get the news I wanted to hear, but I now know the situations and I'm not in this limbo anymore of not knowing (although often the limbo "feels" better since it allows some hope or possibility of change, though I'd argue it ultimately doesn't). I likely wouldn't have been able to have either of those conversations in person, comfortably...and had I waited longer to be direct, I would just continue kidding myself.
I had a nerve wracking conversation on the phone with a potential employer that I'm excited about; where I had to be very direct and ask for what I need in order to make the situation a fit for the employers, and for myself. I had a moment where thought about sending an email instead (only because that would be "easier" than having a voice-to-voice conversation) but I think that there would have been too much room for miscommunication, and I wanted to make it clear I was appreciative and that the things we were discussing were coming from a genuine place in me. I didn't want to risk those points not being communicated properly.
I think that no matter the outcome, this was important that I had a phone conversation versus an email exchange.
The "tough" conversation in person was with my grandparents and some other family members about how we feel about heirlooms and what in the house I want when they are gone (meaning my grandparents). I realized more concretely have a hard time thinking "oh, I want that" since it implies that I want some sort of material gain at the expense of a loved one being around.
I know that it isn't directly what it means, and that my grandparents find great joy in knowing that this antique or this thing from their great grand mother goes to someone who appreciates it, but I realized I had a hard time talking about it. The conversation also went to some of their fears and frustrations about getting older, changes in physical and mental capacity, and the like. My grandmother brought me around the house and we looked at mementos, pictures, art and plates and she gave me a family history lesson. I think we both enjoyed it.
Overall the topics of the day with them were tough and in a lot of ways were sad, but really it was such a fruitful time spent with them. I've been really happy to spend more time with them lately.
So I guess my point is, that some conversations I feel are important to just get out of the way in the most painless way possible (texting at 2am perhaps?) and others warrant a phone call. I'd say when the opportunity is there, sometimes pushing yourself to have in-person conversations, even if they are challenging, are still fundamental and ultimately are so much more rewarding.
Let us continue to use online/text/email connections as merely supplemental to our in-person connections, or when we can't be in person (which is why these routes of communication are amazing and valuable still!)...so that as the generations grow, and ultimately technology grows, we don't forget how to have meaningful communication and connections in person (or they are going to need to come up with way more emoticons).
How do you typically have hard to approach conversations?
Until next time,
E
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