July, already?

How the hell is it July?  Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad that it is a beautiful, warm, partly sunny summer day by the pool, but I am a little freaked that half the year has already gone by. I need this shit to slow its roll...or at least I should be more present in the moment so that I'm savoring this time.

Last night while I was hanging out with my cousin (who is my age) watching the sun set over the harbor near her homtown, we were talking about all sorts of things. We talked about the stage of life we are in, some of our ideals and goals, the futility of life and on the other hand the beauty and power of it.

The two of us are either incapable of having light conversations, or it's just that we choose not to. She is one of the handful of people I can literally say anything to and even if we disagree (happens a fair amount) that I know we always have eachother's back. It's probably what feeling close to a sibling feels like.

One of the things we talked about that has been "up" for me is feeling like I have nothing to "show" for overcoming some challenging things, getting into/through grad school and doing really well, being my age, etc...I've been a bit stuck in the feeling that not quite up to par in terms of this life stage.

You've read about how I feel about not living in the city any more, and how I want a new car to help mark some of my successes, but what still remains is this feeling of "after all that, is this it?".

It was hard to sit there, and see the beauty and NOT feel thankful.  I'd say near impossible not to be filled with feeling content.  In that moment there wasn't much of what I need/want that I didn't have, because in that moment I was just being and witnessing one of the earth's gifts to us, the sunset.

Now, I'm deciding that I need and want to shift my perspective to be more like that all the time. Instead of focusing on wanting what I don't have (my own place, being in love, a Mercedes, to be thinner...those types of things) I'm going to spend my time focused on what I do have.

I've done this before of course, the whole being greatful/focusing on the positives, thing before...and frankly I do a bit of this everyday. I'd say not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for what I do have. So instead of these frequent but fleeting feelings/thoughts I'm going to try to shift my attitude in a bigger way.

At the risk of being boring to read (since I'd guess it is often more interesting or intriguing to read about challenges and negativity or anger than appreciation) I'm going to try to waste minimal time wishing for what isn't, and enjoying what is.

I'm human, so I can't imagine I will be devoid of wishing and wanting (for instance I'm still planning on getting a newer car) but I'm going to make great efforts for my half-year resolution: to stop focusing on what isn't.

I don't want 2012 to roll around and realize I was wishing away 2011. For all intents and purposes 2011 thus far has been one of the better years for me in say, 3-4 years. I'm biting my tongue, but it is the first year that I haven't lost someone I love or found out bad health news about someone I love in a while...and on top of that I finished grad school and landed a job in my new career. Really, what is there to complain about?

Well I'm Jewish, I'm a woman and I'm me...so I suppose there will always be things to complain about, but in the big picture things are good. I'm kicking this half of the year off with a good attitude.

Life right now is good. Anything that I wish and hope for?  Well if those things come along then that's all gravy.


Happy July, join me in not letting the rest of this year slip by...

Until next time,
E

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