July, already?

How the hell is it July?  Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad that it is a beautiful, warm, partly sunny summer day by the pool, but I am a little freaked that half the year has already gone by. I need this shit to slow its roll...or at least I should be more present in the moment so that I'm savoring this time.

Last night while I was hanging out with my cousin (who is my age) watching the sun set over the harbor near her homtown, we were talking about all sorts of things. We talked about the stage of life we are in, some of our ideals and goals, the futility of life and on the other hand the beauty and power of it.

The two of us are either incapable of having light conversations, or it's just that we choose not to. She is one of the handful of people I can literally say anything to and even if we disagree (happens a fair amount) that I know we always have eachother's back. It's probably what feeling close to a sibling feels like.

One of the things we talked about that has been "up" for me is feeling like I have nothing to "show" for overcoming some challenging things, getting into/through grad school and doing really well, being my age, etc...I've been a bit stuck in the feeling that not quite up to par in terms of this life stage.

You've read about how I feel about not living in the city any more, and how I want a new car to help mark some of my successes, but what still remains is this feeling of "after all that, is this it?".

It was hard to sit there, and see the beauty and NOT feel thankful.  I'd say near impossible not to be filled with feeling content.  In that moment there wasn't much of what I need/want that I didn't have, because in that moment I was just being and witnessing one of the earth's gifts to us, the sunset.

Now, I'm deciding that I need and want to shift my perspective to be more like that all the time. Instead of focusing on wanting what I don't have (my own place, being in love, a Mercedes, to be thinner...those types of things) I'm going to spend my time focused on what I do have.

I've done this before of course, the whole being greatful/focusing on the positives, thing before...and frankly I do a bit of this everyday. I'd say not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for what I do have. So instead of these frequent but fleeting feelings/thoughts I'm going to try to shift my attitude in a bigger way.

At the risk of being boring to read (since I'd guess it is often more interesting or intriguing to read about challenges and negativity or anger than appreciation) I'm going to try to waste minimal time wishing for what isn't, and enjoying what is.

I'm human, so I can't imagine I will be devoid of wishing and wanting (for instance I'm still planning on getting a newer car) but I'm going to make great efforts for my half-year resolution: to stop focusing on what isn't.

I don't want 2012 to roll around and realize I was wishing away 2011. For all intents and purposes 2011 thus far has been one of the better years for me in say, 3-4 years. I'm biting my tongue, but it is the first year that I haven't lost someone I love or found out bad health news about someone I love in a while...and on top of that I finished grad school and landed a job in my new career. Really, what is there to complain about?

Well I'm Jewish, I'm a woman and I'm me...so I suppose there will always be things to complain about, but in the big picture things are good. I'm kicking this half of the year off with a good attitude.

Life right now is good. Anything that I wish and hope for?  Well if those things come along then that's all gravy.


Happy July, join me in not letting the rest of this year slip by...

Until next time,
E

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2

New Years Resolutions...

...are stupid.  Stupid because New Years is just like any other day.  Why would the marker of a new year help you to keep a promise, to yourself?

Well the truth is, it works, for about a month.  There is research done on gym memberships for new year's resolutions.  The findings I've seen are that if an gym can get people to sign up around January 1st, they will attend the gym frequently for a little while, then they trail off.  Good thing for the gyms there is the 1-2 year contract we sign thinking this will be our new lifestyle.

So does this mean I think that we shouldn't set out good intentions around the new year? No, it doesn't.  But what it does mean is that it is important to have managed expectations, and drive to maintain these and adjust throughout the year.

I didn't realize it but I've already set several new year's resolutions.  Last night I was over my friends' place planning a winter weekend getaway, and based upon the discussion we were having I realized that it is not a coincidence that I was just away on a challenging but great trip, I chopped my hair off and picked up painting in the last week. Oh, and started a new blog. Either I'm inspired or I'm hypomanic, so let's go with inspired.

Hmm.  So even my subconscious knows that this new year is a time of rebirth, new opportunity, hope and change.

I do have to admit, I'm hopeful about this year.  I feel big positive changes coming my way after a few challenging, but growing, years.  I have some down time for about another week before I'm back at my internship and class, so my window of endless "me" time and work is short.  It seems that even without knowing it I've cast a wide net of what may hopefully stick beyond the "gym attending" upswing.

In order to shift these away from "resolutions" I'm going to call them "intentions".  It's always about having good intentions, right?  So I'm setting these for myself and I intend to do them.  Resolution is a bit of a strong commitment with farther to fall short of meeting them (Maybe strong self-guilt is more motivating? We shall see.)

My next year of intentions include:
-Being more creative, more frequently.  Often in my life I've had times where I've started projects really well, and then I get bored or side tracked and don't follow through.
-Follow through.  Intentions are great if you make a concerted effort to follow through.  With that being said, I'd like to follow through on the things that give me purpose and joy, and let go of the things that don't.
-Continue to find the things that give me purpose and joy.  My new line of work is very fulfilling, but can be quite taxing after a long day of listening to and guiding clients through challenges.  I'm invested in finding some great self-care that gives me joy.  Some of the things I'm trying are painting, taking more photographs, journaling (via blogger), meeting more people, spending more time with the people I care about, reading for pleasure versus just for class, more exercise (cliche, I know), etc.  Tall order, but something should stick.
-Being open to what this path looks like.  I'm pretty open as is, but with some anticipated challenges, potential painful losses and big changes coming up this year, I want to accept them and use them to grow and move forward, versus allowing them to hinder me and bring me down.
-Allow myself to be down.  I'm a pretty upbeat person, and I do great job of compartmentalizing things in my life.  If something is challenging I've learned how to either push through it or move around it in order to keep my life positive and moving forward...but I'm realizing the strength and wisdom that comes from not avoiding these things all together, and also letting myself experience them.

Really this list can go on and on.

Why not let the mark of a new year inspire us.  The key is to let the year to come continue to inspire us and motivate us for improvement and evolvement.

So when I said New Years Resolutions are stupid, I really mean to say, if January 1st is your, or my, only time of self reflection and self adjustment, then that is...well...stupid.

Until next time,
E