I'm a busy lady.
I work in two clinics each in opposite directions from where I live, so I'm in my car (that I love) all the time where I rock out to good music or listen to NPR. I have plans after work with friends at least 2 or 3 of the 5 days in the week. I go into the city every chance I can. I go out on the weekends. I go to concerts. I was just in Vegas. I have more weddings and wedding planning coming up for dear friends of mine this year and next, and likely the next. I spend time with my family. I go to the gym. I've started to get back into yoga. I was playing field hockey weekly (might do this again). I see a Health Coach every other week. I am in school every 6-8 weeks (over weekends) to study something I'm super interested in. I feel like I do fun things all the time.
Like I said. I'm a busy lady.
Would you believe me if I told you that despite all of this, I'm bored?
In the last couple of weeks I've had this general sense of being bored. It's not that I'm not having fun in the moment, usually I am. Though there are points that I'm at a bar, for example, and I'm a bit bored, but I think that's always been true for me.
So what is this boredom? Is it like being mildly depressed? Is it completely circumstantial? Is it just because I'm in transition that hasn't actually happened yet so I'm just waiting for it?
Maybe it's a bit of all of these things.
Have you felt bored recently? Felt like life is a bit monotonous? Remember when you were bored as a kid?
I see this all the time in my clinical work. Teens, in particular, tend to get themselves into trouble when they're bored, or they feel depressed, or easily agitated. Because, let's face it, as teens there isn't much to do other than the run of the mill stuff, unless it's the stuff you "shouldn't" be doing.
But I have plenty I'm doing, and I'm not a teen experiencing teenage angst.
I keep saying, "well once work is nailed down and once I move into the city I'll feel much better". I'm sure this is partially true. It will be a change I need and want, it will shake things up for me, it will open up new doors for me, etc etc etc.
BUT what I want to avoid is putting my happiness or relief of how I'm feeling now on a change that I don't know when exactly it will happen...and really who is to say that THAT will actually make me happier?
The goal is, and really always should be, to work on happiness where you are, NOW; right where you stand in these circumstances. That way when circumstances improve/change, you can appreciate them, you can transition well, and your happiness isn't contingent of the plan going exactly how you see it (because frankly, it never goes exactly as you planned for). This also allows for happiness when your plan is completely off course, or something different pops up.
"Happiness" (or at least feeling content) in the current moment is what allows us to be the most flexible, resilient, and level headed. When we make decisions from a place of being content, we are much more apt to be happy with it, than if we make decisions from being panicked, or unhappy or angry (though sometimes we have to react/act from that place).
The other thing is there will always be something "else" that we will place our happiness on. For instance, once I move, it could be, well once I have a nicer place, or once I weigh xyz lbs, or once I have a boyfriend. But if we keep moving our happiness/completeness away from us and onto a new goal, the more we spend time focused on things other than now versus just enjoying the path we're on.
You've heard that adage...Life is not about the destination; it's about the ride there (or some version of this). But it's true. If we are too fixated on where we are headed and not where we are, we miss all the important things along the way. Then we'll get there and we'll not be satiated, we won't feel happier. (This is not to say we shouldn't have goals, but the goals shouldn't be in place of working on being content within our current circumstances).
So all in all I need to figure out what I can do to be happier, now.
Even as I type that last sentence I realize what my mistake is.
Do.
I'm doing. I'm doing a lot and maybe I'm doing "too much". I don't think I could possibly ADD any more to what I'm doing.
I mean I'm not really willing to do less (reminds me of Paul Rudd in Forgetting Sarah Marshall - do less, no less, no now you're not doing enough).
But maybe the key isn't about "doing" at all.
Maybe it's time for me to really sit down and evaluate what I can be happy/excited about, and let myself focus on these things to draw me out of this blasé and bored mood.
Things that make me happy:
· I'm healthy
· I'm doing work that I love and I'm good at
· I'm studying/learning/discussing/using information that I find keenly interesting/awesome
· I have WONDERFUL friends in all different parts of my life, who love me for who I am
· I have a FANTASTIC family who is endlessly supportive of me, that is full of love for me and for one another
· I have been fortunate to live at home to save money (or at least save further debt) for the last bunch of months
· I have had great work contacts that have pulled me into their workplaces and helped to foster and grow my career
· I have experienced tough and amazing things in my life, which have all made me more of who I am
· I have traveled near and far and desire to do more of this
· When a great song comes on while I'm driving (or walking) and it's sunny, does it get any better?
· I live in a state/area/country that affords me rights and access to things that I need and appreciate that not everywhere has
· I've been privileged enough to have a wonderful undergraduate and graduate education
· I've had short and long term relationships to learn from and build off of
· I've met some wonderful people around the world
· I feel fortunate that I'm not handicapped or limited in any way
· I feel fortunate that I'm attractive enough that my looks aren't hindering
· I feel fortunate that I have my personality, humor, intelligence, drive
Things that make me excited:
· I'm looking forward to moving and being back on my own in the near future
· I'm so excited to walk around the city on spring days
· I'm excited to lay by the pool in the summer
· I'm excited for our first/next big snow storm and getting my ass skiing again
· I look forward to creating what I want for myself in my career
· I have a lot to look forward to, when that special someone comes into my life
· I have wonderful friends who are marrying wonderful people this year and in the coming years
· My best friend asked me to be her Maid of Honor (really, I feel honored)
· I will to do a lot of traveling when I'm more financially stable
· I look forward to having a family of my own in the future, God willing
· I can't wait to go to more concerts, I don't care if we're getting too old to rock out
· I look forward to the days that I get to use my giant sunroof again
· I want to go to a drive in movie this year
· I want to discover new areas locally and abroad that I haven't before
For those of you, who know "The Secret", here is a bit about setting positive and concrete intentions out into the world/universe.
What I want starting now:
· I want to be genuinely happy with myself and my life without contingencies
· I want ongoing (physical, mental, emotional, behavioral) health for myself and those I love
· I want increased patience with myself and others
· I want increased patience and trust in the things I can't control or change
· I want to feel whole without having a relationship so that I am my best self when I enter into a relationship
· I want time and balance in my life in order to have a healthy and strong relationship
· I want a man to find me and to develop a healthy and balanced relationship, a man who is my equal and my compliment, where we appreciate and support one another mutually, have like minded goals and ideals, where we have strong chemistry/connection on all levels we each need and have a lot of fun together (hey, I'm wish listing here might as well shoot high)
· I want to continue to build my career so that I'm fulfilled by my work intellectually, emotionally, and financially
· I want to be financially and independently stable
· I want to continue to build my career to maximize the amount of people I can help/support/make a difference for
· I want real changes to come that will benefit the health of our planet in the short and long term
· I want peace and compassion, and where there is an absence of peace and compassion I want understanding and compromise at the very least
Now by no means are these complete lists.
However, even writing these things down has helped me to feel a bit more...well...appreciative and excited. Maybe I'll still be bored in some moments, maybe I won't feel happy 100% of every day, but if I can maintain being appreciative and excited, those negative feelings will be fleeting.
Plus when I know what I've got, and what I want, it will be easier for me to reach for the things that are good for me or make the changes that might benefit me.
Feeling like life is a bit stale? Feeling depressed? Feeling like things aren't going right? Hating your job? Worried your relationship isn't "it"?
Make some lists.
Maybe you'll make lists of things that make you happy, excited and what you want like I did. Maybe you'll make a list of goals (just be sure you can also think of ways to be happy until the goals are met). Maybe you'll make a list of things that went well today and just start there (this is something I work on with a lot of clients struggling with feeling overwhelmed or really down).
Either way, acknowledging, tuning for good things, and working on being content in the moment helps us enjoy the ride and focus less on getting to point B, C, D, or Z. Who knows how happy Z will make us, so we might as well not waste and time and be happy now.
Until next time,
bE happE
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