My roommate of the last almost 2 years, and friend from my previous work life (advertising, prior to making the move to psychology), is moving back to her home state. She's moving for a bunch of reasons including an awesome job opportunity. I'm super excited for her, sad to see her go, sad to leave my amazing apartment, and stressed that everything is so up in the air at once (school, work, etc).
This happened pretty suddenly, and she's moving in about 3 weeks...therefore I've had to do some serious on my toes thinking. I considered having someone move in to fill her room, but as amazing as our apartment is, I can't really afford it moving forward (seeing as I don't have a job, yet).
Since our lease is up at the end of the summer, I'd been assuming I would move to a cheaper apartment or move into a one bedroom and live alone, around then anyway. Since I wasn't planning on staying here much longer, bringing someone in for the summer and me paying rent with money I don't have, just felt like it didn't make the most sense given the time constraints on making this decision.
What made a little more sense (but is emotionally loaded and I dare say is stigmatized), is
moving back to my mom's house for the summer.
I know. I know.
This does make sense as there are some major benefits not limited to not paying rent, a pool in the backyard for the summer, more flexibility on the time pressure of getting a job I like and even getting a break from the city for a little bit. I'll be just about a half hour outside the city, which isn't bad, most of my friends have already offered up their couches for weekend fun in the city...and ultimately the saving grace is this is temporary with an even better end result in sight.
This is what I keep telling myself. Lots of smart, good reasons to go home for the summer as I transition and work towards some of my goals.
It's been about, well, let's just say, many years since I've lived at home and I never pictured myself needing to move back. I suppose, there are worse things. I'm fortunate my mom is willing to have me, it's a nice house (did I mention the pool?), and that it will really allow me to take my time finding a job I love, figure out my living situation back in the city, and save up some money to start paying off school loans...
I can talk myself in circles, but really I just have to be okay with this. The decision has been made.
Over the next few weeks I'll start to move things home and take over one of the rooms that used to be mine on the other side of the house from my mom's.
My mom and I discussed boundaries, giving each other space, the fact that her boyfriend will be around, about me having people over, me helping out around the house, etc etc. We've had some hard, open and honest conversations around some of the things it brings up since the last time I lived there our family was different (which included my stepfather, which remains a painful area of our lives).
Ultimately, overall...I don't think it will be bad to live there for a little.
Am I embarrassed? Yes. Am I relieved that I can find a job and not be so stressed out about rent for a couple of months? Absolutely.
I'll keep you posted on how gracefully I can manage the moving process, regressing to a living situation of a 17 year old while maintaining my maturity and independence, and maintaining a social life of a young, fun, single, twenty-something.
Sounds slightly impossible, but if anyone can do it, I know I can.
Until next time,
E
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