Like a fine wine

I did a project for one of my classes recently about working with the geriatric, or better named “older adult”, population.  I haven’t actually worked with this population in a clinical setting, but my project partner had, and I learned a lot about it.  What was interesting was how working with them is different than younger adults and children, but how it is also very similar.

We all have some preconceived notions about what it is to be old based upon our experiences of older people in our lives, what we see on TV and who we get stuck behind at the grocery store when they are paying by check.  Some of the stereotypes of older people are based upon realities of peoples’ physical bodies changing and getting older, their minds changing with age and sometimes the challenging loss of ability to care for themselves…

…but not all older people deteriorate in this way and most are actually much happier than we assume.

So why is it that our culture treats older people as nuisances, that they are typically sad and thus depressing and less important to our communities?  Ultimately with the baby boomers getting older, health care and the country's financial state are (and will continue to be) kind of strained and people always have feelings about these things.  Well I'd also argue that part of it is just the exponential growth of technology.  It makes a more concrete barrier between older generations, and us, which continues to make them seem less connected, and in a sense older.

My grandmother has Facebook, but admits she doesn’t really know how to use it.  One of my cousins or I will help her navigate it the next time, but she is pretty hip to start with to even want to use it.  I think she will probably be able to figure it out, also because she is a social person by nature.  I was on the phone with her last night trying to coordinate seeing her today, and she said, “I have to get on there, it’s how people connect these days.”  I give her credit, it probably seems like a big undertaking, but frankly I think she’d like it once she understands it.  We have a lot of extended family on Facebook and it’s a nice way to see how people are doing all over the country, and across generations.

What is amazing about people my grandmother’s age is their stories, their sense of humor, the fact that you get sent home with homemade food whether you need it or not (though it’s always welcomed)…

My (Jewish, mind you) grandparents are really funny.  My grandmother is very much looking forward to great grand children I take it, so I get the “I know a guy that would be good for you, he’s so and so’s grandson, he’s a sweet boy, and very cute” and the like...My grandfather cracks mediocre adult jokes that he laughs his belly laugh at, and you can't really help but laugh too.

Their hearts are absolutely in the right place, they want me to be happy, they want me to meet a guy they feel is worthy of me (since I’m awesome overall, obviously) and ultimately they can’t help but scheme about match making.  Grandparents do this…it is kind of their job.

But really, the reason that older adults are important is they are what connects us to the past, they connect us to an understanding of why things are how they are now and they are endlessly full of wisdoms that  we can't possibly have based upon our years.  

As I’ve gotten older myself, my appreciation for my grandparents, and also my patience with older people, has grown.

Someday, God willing, I’ll be an old person and I’ll be damned if I’m not respected and tolerated simply because I have (more) gray hair and walk a little slower.  I think that ultimately my respect has grown for my grandparents because not only are they good people, but also they helped shape my mother and in turn helped shaped me.

The sad reality is that as I get older, so are they.  It’s hard to hear things like “Well when I’m gone, do you want this (insert some family heirloom)?” and things of that nature.  I mean the reality is, some day I’ll be faced with the loss of my grandparents, and if you are lucky enough to still have grandparents at this point, you will too.

For those of you who have lost a grandparent or in the case you didn’t know them at all, you can probably appreciate the fragility of life and maybe you even respect older adults more as a result. 

The reason I felt inspired to write about this was a full heart as a result of taking time out of my vacation to pop in and see my grandparents.  It was great to see them and and see how much they appreciate gestures like that.  I'm lucky that they are both pretty healthy and mentally intact, dementia and Alzheimer's are another challenge altogether, and would be another blog entry entirely.  

So go.  Time is of the essence.  Take time to call your grandparents or the elders in your life.  Ask them to tell you a story about something from their childhood or about when they met their spouse, or where they were when something monumental happened in the news.    If they are mentally compromised, or no long alive, maybe dig up family photos or ask people who knew them for these stories.  It will make them feel good and appreciated, and you can learn something from them while they can still be teachers to you.

And you know what they say, like a fine wine some things get better with age.  I think this is truer than we realize.

Until next time,

E

Check out this blogpost: http://grumpyoldken.blogsp
ot.com/2011/03/arise-sir-ben-or-should-it-be-saint-ben.html

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