on having attractive friends

This week/weekend kicked off in a weird funk and for a few reasons, that I won't get into here, I was feeling already a bit thrown off kilter and deflated in a sense.  I think that heightened my awareness about my singledom and reopened a part of myself where I become very self critical.  So that is the stage that this musing is being played out on.

At the risk of sounding whiny (which I typically try and avoid, I swear) I'm going to briefly tell you how sometimes I have had the fleeting thought "it would be kind of nice if my friends were ugly".

I'm really fortunate to have a lot of amazing friends, really I feel blessed.

I have a lot of amazing friends who also happen to be very attractive. I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up with a wide array of beautiful friends ranging from tall to short, thin to shapely, dark to light...a fruit salad of ladies you could say.

What's even better is that not only are my friends attractive, but they are all smart, funny, driven, successful and awesome.  I love them very much.

So 99% of the time I'm glad I have these superstar friends.

These are friends who are great supports to me, make me laugh, help me when I cry, look cute in pictures with me, have great conversations and heated debates with me (maybe about purple being a great color, the meaning of life, or the cute guy at the bar)...

But I'll go ahead and say 1% of the time (so we're talking like 3 days a year), I just wish they were a little less, you know...attractive.  I realize this sounds terrible, and to my friends reading this, please don't take this the wrong way it is really a compliment. 

Am I alone on this? I can't imagine you've never wished you were better looking than the people you were standing with, unless of course you already are.  But in that case you probably don't really know it and still feel that way.  And if you do know you're the most attractive one, then well you can just click to the next blog and spare me the embarrassment of reading further.

So about guys, when I'm out with my friends...Okay this is when the perhaps selfishness, a spot of jealousy and apparent self consciousness comes in.  I'll say it.

I have nights were I look very good.  I mean I'm not a freaking neanderthal, so sometimes I go out I feel really good and think I look really good (and obviously since I'm a girl there are nights where I really don't feel that way).  Even on the nights where I feel good?  The guy that I'd like to chat me up, talks to my friend.  I don't blame them!  But I do wonder how I can have so many strangers coming up to me in the street asking for directions, the time and donations, but in a bar I'm apparently less approachable.  Maybe there is a vibe I'm giving that I have to work on?

There have been many instances where someone I had my eye on is interested in my friend. Most of the time it's not a big deal, because I'm like a goldfish and forget and in 5 minutes there will likely be someone else I have my eye on.  But after a while you can't help but start to feel like you won't ever get picked first.

This past week/weekend there were a few instances where friends were getting attention I would have preferred to get (who doesn't like some good attention?), and I think since I'm in a bit of a withdrawal mode I was jonesing for some attention so it was challenging for me...which is never a good combination with alcohol.  Those nights often end with either being mad and/or crying, unashamedly making out in the bar, or a boy you don't like/know in your bed (or so I've heard...).

It's like being hungry when you are grocery shopping, you buy stuff that is not good for you, and too much of it.

Anyway. I was annoyed, but I got over it. Like I do.

Last night was a lot of fun, and while we were out I said to my friend (in the context of talking to these guys who had followed "us" to the next bar) "I could walk into a bar naked, and they'd still look at you" and we laughed.  I mean of course she knew I was kidding and playing around, because if I HAD walked into a bar naked they would throw me out and it would cause such a commotion that they surely would be looking at me.

Of course here I am in the bar complaining guys don't approach me, and then almost immediately after that a "40" year old (air quotes because I didn't believe him, his age was not apparent as he clearly worked out a lot, was tan and possibly had plastic surgery) came up to me and was interested, which is what he told me. I guess when you're 40 you don't need better lines than that.

I mean it was flattering as he was a very attractive "40" year old, but I was not really interested in this slurring, wobbly dude.  It was one of those where if I was quicker I would have given my fake name.  Thankfully he was escorted out of the bar, and when he made his way back in (not great security apparently) I was able to make a dash for it...to Chinatown for some lomain with my friend.

I mean clearly I'm not being ignored in the bars or at parties, and I do hit it off with guys when I meet them at the coffee shop, but I think this last week has kind of lead me to have a microscope on the fact that this guy thing doesn't feel like it's working for me right now.

So back to the issue at hand.  What does one do when their friends are so hot?  Wait for them all to land boyfriends?

Get over it and be glad you're friends are awesome? Yep.

I told my friend I was posting about wanting ugly friends and she was like "You are who your friends are...plus, you're stuck with me 4eva...no new friends" (she was gchatting me on her phone so I'll excuse the 8th grade usage of 4eva).  Haha, she cracks me up.  She's right though, I'm keeping good company and really that's what matters and that's what reflects on me...I guess in a superficial but also in a deeper way.  Like I said, these chicks ain't no bimbos.

Most of my friends are in relationships right now, and dating really great guys.  I'm very, very happy for my friends in these happy and healthy relationships (aside from my having third wheel, or fifth wheel, or seventh wheel syndrome) and hopefully this pandemic of relationships ends up being contagious.

Ultimately, my goal (and what is in my control in this situation) is to be less caught up in who talks to who and who looks like what...

I think I just need to continue to focus on the music playing, the friends that I love being around and the margaritas.

Until next time

E