Moving home gracefully and temporarily. (Part IV - FINAL)

Part III

Part II

Part I

...and now, the final chapter of this saga.

 

So, most of you know by now that I’m moving out of my mom’s house…tomorrow.

It’s been an interesting road and the last two months have been a whirlwind of changes that have kind of come in like a tidal wave.  

All of the changes are good changes, but change is stressful, none the less.

Tomorrow I’ll be moving into a really cute apartment with a girl I knew when I was younger, I’ll be a 3-4 minute walk from a little city center, shops, the train, ciders on a patio, some hustle and bustle…and I’m very excited.

I’m a bit sad to be leaving mom’s even though I’ve griped about it since the beginning, but I’ve bee really lucky to have the opportunity to live there, not stress about money (too much), and allow the right job/situation to come to fruition before taking the plunge.  

A lot of you know my mom, she’s no short of being an awesome mom, and it’s been really nice to have her as my roommate, but it’s time for me to go.  It’s time for me to do my own thing again, live in an apartment, pay rent, commute to work, and you know, be an adult.

I’ll be home a decent amount for family stuff and the pool this summer…and to see my old dog, and of course to see my mom.  I’ll be about 42 minutes away from her, so she’ll also have to get her butt into the city to see me, too!

It’s an interesting relationship we have.  Obviously she’s my mom and I’m her daughter, but these last 9 months have reminded me that we have kind of a special thing.  For a long time it was really just me and her riding through choppy waters of challenging times with much shared experiences that we reminisce about, laugh about, and cry about.  

Considering it’s really been the two of us, she serves as not only a mom, but a sister in some ways and absolutely a friend.  I know she’s sad I’m leaving, because it’s been fun to hang out, and have a glass of wine after work…and to be honest, I’m sad too.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than ready, but it’s a bit bitter sweet as I know that this time I’m moving out into a new phase/chapter and God-willing I’ll never need to live at home again…although I guess I said that when I moved out after college too.

But I know I always could, if I needed to.

It’s been a great and transformative 9 months.   

I’ve rekindled/strengthened old friendships with people at home and I’ve spent many enjoyable Wednesday nights throwing some back with old friends where our friend bartends.  It’s really been fun.  Also, since moving I’ve gotten new jobs, I’ve worked on the first post-masters year of my career, and a year closer to being independently licensed, I’ve met new people, I’ve seen my family a lot, and I met someone really special to me.

It really has all fallen into place.

Sure, there will be choppy waters from time to time, but really these last 9 months have been the comfortable and comforting transition I needed into this next phase of my life.  Maybe I’m a bit behind for someone turning 28 in a couple weeks; maybe I’m a bit ahead, who knows. 

As of right now I’m just where I am. 

And tomorrow I’ll be somewhere different. 

Literally.

Until next time,

E 

when it rains, it pours

So, I haven't written consistently in a while...for a few reasons, so I wanted to update you briefly (since I know you've been eagerly waiting by your computer for an update about what's going on).  I've been a bit preoccupied with the many changes going on in my life, which are all good reasons for the first time in what feels like ages. 

 

I've been feeling pretty damn lucky.

 

I noticed that stuff started to shift for me at the beginning of February (and likely before).  I had been interviewing for jobs, I was looking for apartments to move into, and I had been actively meeting new people.

 

Then one week pretty much all the major areas of my life took a turn towards the direction I was ultimately hoping for.  I can't predict the future, obviously, but they are all very welcome changes and at this very moment (this moment is all that really exists) they are all things I'm excited about and feel very right for me.

 

The first thing that came to fruition is work.

 

At the end of this month I'll be working full time in one of the clinics I've been working at part time for the last few months.  This is something I'm really excited about since the clinic is full of great people, I really like my clients and it will ultimately be a great growing/learning opportunity for me.  They are excited to have me on board, too which feels really nice.  My clinical mentor (was my supervisor when I was still in school at my first placement) is who pulled me on and I'm just really excited to be working with her again and for the long term.  It's about who you know...and about being kick ass, obviously.

 

So that got confirmed which is very exciting and I'm very much looking forward to having a consistent schedule Monday-Thursday.  They are long days but ultimately when I've transitioned out of my other clinic (I'll be there on Fridays for a little while) I'll have 3 day weekends! Can't beat that!

 

A few days after work stuff got settled/finalized I solidified my next living situation.  Yes, it's finally arrived.  The "living at home again" thing is coming to an end.  I'm sad on some levels to leave my hometown, it's been nice to be at home with my mom and the dog, and it's been great to not pay rent...so it's not 100% happy, but it's like 90% happy.  And I'm ready to be on my own and be a real adult again.

 

The finding an apartment is a "it's a small world" kind of story. 

 

I had asked around (on FB primarily) if anyone knew people who needed a roommate.  I got a few leads that were good but not quite right (not in the right location, too expensive, short term and I'd have to move again in September...etc). 

 

So I started to look on Craigslist, which I know people have mixed feelings about, but I actually met an awesome roommate in the past on it. Plus I assess people for my job so I tend to pick up on glaring red flags.  Anyway, I had looked at 3 or so apartments off Craigslist. One apartment was great but I wasn't feeling the roommate situation.  One roommate situation seemed great but the place was kind of a dump, etc etc. 

 

Then I saw a listing for what looked like a nice apt with the features I was looking for, in my price range and I emailed the person.  "Hey my name is E and I'm looking to move bla bla bla bla".  A little while later I got an email back saying "This is strange...is this E from such and such town?". 

 

It just so happened that the person emailing me back was someone I went to Hebrew school with when I was in elementary/middle school.  I met up with her (she's great, smart, hard working, fun, nice, etc), checked out the apartment (big, sunny, good location, laundry in the unit, big closets) and I was pretty pumped about it! 

 

So low and behold I'll be moving into an apartment with someone I knew as a kid, at the end of this month.  It's so funny to me that we reconnected through Craigslist.  Oh the wonders of the internet.  Don't even get me started on how my long lost sister found the rest of us siblings through Facebook...that's for another post.

 

So those two things alone have been a significant shift for me, and they are the main things that I've been waiting (not so patiently) to be put into place.

 

The third thing (they say things come in threes), I won't get much into here (yet, at least)...but I met a great guy that I'm having a lot of fun with.  Like I said, I'm not psychic, and it's early yet...but in tandem with all the other changes it feels like a great addition to my life with incredibly serendipitous timing.  I'm excited about him, and he's excited about me.  No matter what happens he's really shown me what it feels like to be appreciated, treated well, be with someone who is thoughtful and considerate and I think I "knew" that existed but I didn't really KNOW.  Maybe you can't truly know until you feel it.  Probably another post brewing on that one...anyway - I hope to continue to have good things to say about him and how he makes me feel. :)

 

So needless to say the last few weeks have been busy, full, exciting and full of changes.

 

The real transition will be at the end of March when the work stuff actually changes and I take the leap and move into my next apartment.  I'm sure it will have it's challenges and stresses. I'm sure that there will be hiccups here and there...

 

In the mean time, I'm working really hard to enjoy the moment right now, and take each day at a time. I don't want to wish away the next couple of weeks since there are exciting things waiting for me "then". I really want to practice being mindful, staying present, and enjoying the ride versus just wishing for the destination. 

 

SO.

 

For those of you who feel stuck, or bored, or ready for change, but feel like nothing is giving...

 

Keep at it, make the changes you do have control over, put yourself out there (online dating, craigslist for roommates, Facebook, join a club, do sports, make healthy decisions...whatever) and ultimately something will give.  Something will shift.

 

And sometimes what they say is true, when it rains, it pours.

 

I'm enjoying this monsoon I must say.

 

Until next time,

E

right place, right time

Things are changing.

The season, my mood, different aspects of my life are coming together in serendipitous ways...and per usual with these things, it's a mix of luck, pushing through what feels like an absolute stale mate and trusting that the right things will happen at the right place and at the right time.

I haven't written in a while for several reasons.  I've been feeling intimidated by someone I know's hilarious blog that is all the rage, and feeling like "well I'm not THAT funny" but I guess I didn't start this blog to be funny, I started it to purge random thoughts and feelings as a kind of therapeutic practice.

Also, I've been feeling, well...good.

I had a couple months there where I was really down in the dumps.  I can now better understand the difference between feeling depressed and sad, clinically speaking, which will be helpful with working with clients.  I've had some crappy things happen in my life (as we all ultimately do), and I have felt profoundly sad about those things...but this was different.

Up until really a few weeks ago, I was just feeling like everything was a shade of gray. While I love gray (walls, clothes, salt/pepper hair on a guy)...it was not an ideal way to be looking at the world.

Since I'm a therapist I was able to identify what I was feeling, but EVEN as a therapist it was hard to move out of it.  I knew what I had to do, and even then the gray cloud was thick and hung low for several weeks.

What I did while I was feeling "depressed" or "off", was maintain as much strong self care as I could.  I kept up with my running, I kept up with therapy, I kept up with  my job, continued my job hunt, saw my friends, caught up on sleep...and held on for the ride through it by actually...letting go.

This is a key part, letting go.  I, a few times, said "I'm just throwing my hands up and giving up".  To be clear, I did not mean 'giving up' on life or that I was feeling like I didn't want to be alive, but I was giving up on fighting the bad mood and on trying so hard to push it away to make it better.  Instead I maintained the things I know that chemically, physically, mentally and emotionality would help me and just let it run its course.

For all of these experiences when we feel stuck, there comes a point where something gives.  The gridlock at some point eases up or at least moves in one direction.

For a while it just felt like nothing had changed.

Then things started to change...among the changes here are a few...
-the season shifted from summer to fall (and then back to summer and then back to fall)
-decided to go to school for some alternative medicine (which I grew up taking) that works well for physical ailments as well as mental/emotional ailments in tandem with psychotherapy
-Jewish New Year - day of fasting and cleansing which is the only day I really take the "religion" part of it seriously, because it's a good message to clear out the last year and start with a clean slate.
-had some random stomach issues (not the gross kind, just painful) - might have food sensitivities - seeing a health coach/nutritionist, starting taking vitamin D
-Steve Jobs died - Okay other than him changing the world I have no connection to the guy, but the 60 minutes episode last night about him was really interesting and I want to read the biography
-I went apple picking, and seasonal things started to peak my interest (read: I <3 Halloween)
-My half birthday came and went...I think 2* will be a stellar year for me
-I was on the local news - no joke.  I was ambushed by this reporter about something in my town that I didn't know about...interviewed me for 3 minutes and all that made it was a soundbite made me sound completely ditsy and was taken out of context.  But for my 3 seconds of fame I enjoyed laughing at myself a hell of a lot...
-A job I ended up not taking about 6 months ago, called me up to see if I was interested in working part time, which works well with what I'm already doing...so I don't have to look for another job for immediately and I'll finally have a more steady income.
-After a long while, someone has caught my eye...and no matter what happens (or doesn't happen, contrary to popular belief I'm not actually psychic)...it has still been very a welcomed and enjoyable change.  :)

And voila.  I feel pretty good...and for the last few weeks I've just been enjoying this "feeling like myself again" and haven't wanted to analyze it or synthesize it.  SO you haven't heard from me.

While nothing is monumental (yet), and nothing is definitively better or different (yet), there were changes and shifts.

Changes and shifts that couldn't have happened or wouldn't have impacted me if I wasn't living at home, if I wasn't doing online dating, if I wasn't Jewish, if I wasn't typing on a macbook, if I wasn't into the fall...but I am, I'm all of those things...and they're finally starting to work for me.

Like I said.  Right place, right time...and a combination of some effort and letting go, in order to make it through.

Thank the fahking Lord.

Until next time,
Smiley E