I have a lot of dreams.
Yes, like hopes and dreams, but today I mean literally dreams while I’m sleeping.
I’m not sure if the fact that they are so vivid and I remember a lot of them means I’m not sleeping well, or that there is a lot my subconscious/unconscious mind needs to work through. I do often feel like I’m not rested, even when I’ve gotten a good amount of sleep, so maybe its both.
Last night/this morning (hard to know when they occurred or if they are in between hitting snooze) I had a handful of dreams that were linked in some way but that way I really can’t remember. I’m not sure what the order was either as it’s hard to consciously work through the swirling nature that is my dream-state. I’ll share some brief details about some of them.
The first dream, or the dream that feels most pertinent to today, was about my step dad. (To get the back story about my dad and step dad situation read Daddy Issues – unfortunately no update about my step dad even to this day, still have not heard from him - don’t know his whereabouts…)
Today is his birthday, and if he’s alive he’s 53, and if he’s not then he visited me last night in my dream. I don’t know where we were but it seemed dark, almost like in a basement or in a dark room somewhere and I was telling/crying to him that I miss him, and that I want him to be at my wedding while I hugged him. His arms were thin and his belly was bloated, giving me the indication in the dream he was very sick (as I imagine in real life he still is very, very sick).
To me one of the saddest pieces of losing a parent at this point in one’s life is that they won’t get to see you come to your full fruition. They won’t see the success you are, they won’t see the person you turn out to be, or meet your children, or be at your wedding. This is one of the hardest pills to swallow for me, aside from missing him dearly.
The second portion of the dream was taking place in the White House. It was a White House wedding, and it was mine. Very odd. I was in a wedding dress I didn’t pick for myself, my bridesmaids dresses were pretty but definitely I didn’t pick them, I was walking through what felt like a mall with my dress on trying to find someone to do my hair because the messy bun from the day before wouldn’t do…Some guy didn’t hold the door open for me while I clearly was wearing a wedding gown, and I remember being like “mom, how could we not have gotten someone to do my hair?”.
I have no idea who I was marrying.
I didn’t question it in the dream; I didn’t even think about who “he” was. I remember that I felt proud that I was having a White House wedding, but had no idea if I was part of the presidential family or if we had rented it out (wouldn’t that be kind of cool?).
Then I can’t remember if this is before the step dad dream or after the wedding, but I had a dream about some of my friends from home, we were out at a bar I think playing pool. I remember thinking, how can I get married right now, we’re all just hanging out.
So I don’t know what to make of this.
Maybe my worries about finding someone to settle down with have been kicked up lately (I’m sure they have).
Maybe because it’s my step dad’s birthday it brings up how much I miss him and how sad it is for me that he likely will not be a part of my life moving forward.
Maybe it’s an indication I should get into politics (I’m sure they’d dig up this blog wouldn’t they), or at least move to DC.
Who knows.
Clients come in all the time saying “I had this dream, what does it mean?” I’m a psychotherapist and not in the business of interpreting dreams, really.
From my own dream experience and what I know about psychology, very often it seems that the dreams are their day to day fears incarnated, or the mind trying to work through a problem. Sometimes they make no sense, and I’m sure sometimes (or a lot of the time), they don’t really mean anything.
There are people who interpret dreams, and I’m sure many of you have gotten or picked up a dream interpretation book with some curiosity at some point in your life, hoping to unlock the secrets of your mind.
I’ll leave the interpretation to the experts, but like my clients, I wonder what the message is.
It was nice to get a visit from my step dad and to give him a hug in my dream. While the dream left me feeling sad, it’s all I have of him right now and it is better than nothing.
As of the wedding portion/dream…maybe (haha yah, maybe…) my internal clock is getting impatient. Tough shit internal clock…not much I can do about it at the moment. Frankly, not much I want to do it at the moment.
I feel like the past couple weeks/months/years have been so many transitions and big changes that until some of the other big pieces start to click into place (where I’m living, my job, finances), I’m not even “ready” in some ways. When the timing is right, it will happen. I’m throwing my hands up and focusing on the other big pieces for now.
What are some of the dreams you have? Reoccurring dreams? I’ve had some of those…Thoughts on how you interpret dreams?
Until next dream,
E
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