I Know Famous People: Musician: Vanessa Kafka

I know famous people.

This is something I'll be able to say at some point...I just know it.

I've been wanting to write about my friends who will be super successful and "famous" as we age and become more like experts in our skills and whatnot...and this was a good time to start.

Vanessa Kafka

I know a lot of very talented and driven people in many different fields and interests...I think it will be pretty amazing to see people become hugely successful (or even famous) in their writing, design, clinical work, beer brewing, and music, just to name a few.

Speaking of music.

You all know I love me some good music...other than dating it's one of the more common things I write about here.

"I knew Vanessa Kafka, way back when, when she wasn't totally famous yet"...

I have a very dear friend of mine (if you know her, you love her, if you don't trust me you would) who is working on her next musical project.  Vanessa Kafka (check out her website, listen to her music from her last album) is a singer songwriter who hails from Connecticut who has a voice like a combination of Jesus and Fergie.  No I'm kidding, but thank you Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly (not my friends, yet) for the line.

In all honesty she is fabulous.  One time I was at her apartment and she was recording one of her songs for a friend of hers.  She was getting married and Vanessa couldn't make it, so she sang her favorite song and dedicated it to her.  Since I was there, Vanessa put me to work on the camera, and I no lie, had goosebumps the whole time.  It was beautiful.

Vanessa not only is beautiful, sounds beautiful, but she's also supah smaht.  Like, really.  She's finishing up her MBA at one of the country's best institutions and will be wildly successful in business I'm sure in addition to music (or somehow combining both).  

Sam Kornstein

Her band is made up of several very cool folks, some of which I don't have the pleasure of knowing yet, and one of which I've known for a very long time, Sam Kornstein.  Sam is also multifaceted...he also is finishing up his MBA (with V as I call her), and brews some beer...and takes amazing photos...and other stuff...check out all he writes about.

So I have no question that with the mix of the wit, smarts, talent, creativity, and beer, that they will go very far with these endeavors...especially the music.

Check out this clip on why I'm talking about Vanessa today!

So, they are currently fundraising for their next project and are asking people to make donations to help kickstart their album.  Their goal is $7,500 and every donation of $10 or more gets free access to the album and as the denominations grow, the prizes/goodies become better and better.

They need to reach the goal by March 13, 2012.  There are only 2 weeks left!

IF THEY DON'T REACH $7,500 IT WILL NOT BE PRODUCED.  This is all or nothing folks.  They are just around 50% there, and they need our help!

SO, since I rarely ask you to do anything, other than think about yourself introspectively, or to comment on things...I want to ask you to check out Vanessa, check out their mission, and donate on Kickstarter!

You'll be glad to say "I knew of Vanessa Kafka, before she was famous".

Thank you ahead of time.

Until next time,

E

Friends With Benefits

You all remember those analogies in various standardized tests, right?

Friends : Sex ::  

a) Penut Butter : Fluff

b) Money : Charity

c) Oil : Water

d) Dinner and Drinks : First Date

Obviously C.  The answer is always C. 

The takeaway is that they they don't (or maybe more accurately - shouldn't) mix.

Why are you bringing this up, E? I was happy in my life daydreaming about knocking boots with my hot friend.

Well, today Paige Parker (a blogger I follow) brought it up.  She writes a lot about dating on her blog/site called Dating Without Drama.

She posted a short article written by a man on his take on friends with benefits (FWB) and I thought it was a good topic to share my thoughts around, with y'all...and plus when I tell you things here (my blog) it keeps me in check here (my life).

In brief (though it was an already succinct post), he pointed out that while it sounds logical...we are good friends, we'd both like to get laid, so why not? it's just generally not a good idea.  What he says is ultimately one develops feelings for the other due to repeated intimacy and then results typically in someone getting hurt.

He points out that what is likely a better alternative is acquaintances with benefits (if you use the aquaintances listing option on facebook, this might be an easy way to scout out your next f.buddy). 

The tough part is that acquaintances with benefits or AWB, takes away from the instant comfort level that closer friends might afford you...and really I'm not sure how to navigate this other than to reach out to an aquaintance who you don't know well and say..."Hey, I've been thinking...".  I mean you might as well seem like less of a sleeze and ask that person out on a date.

I think the first part of what he said is true, though.  

It would be hard to imagine having meaningless sex when you a) actually care about the other person b) like them as person enough to be their friend and c) (it's always c) find them attractive enough to get naked with them.  

I'm sure some are better than others about not letting the sexcapades invade the friendship, but for the most part it is almost unavoidable that someone will pump the breaks and the other might want to hit cruise control...or speed up for that matter.

The man in the post makes the following and most important point:  If there is part of you hoping that the FWB will turn into a relationship, you will likely be disappointed.  It's important to know that if it was going to turn into a relationship, it already would have.  

A relationship would have developed over time if the key ingredients were there (chemistry, a good match, timing, both interested/willing) versus simply because you're saying "hey, you're single and great, I'm single and great...I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine".

Mila and Justin being friends

I never saw the movie Friends With Benefits, though my grandmother (ha, seriously) said it was cute and I'd like it if I "like racy and fun movies". 

Which I do.  I likely will see it now that I'm posting this.

I'm assuming, that these friends in the movie who hook up, end up falling in love (thank you obvious Hollywood movies - maybe I don't need to see it, or I'll watch it on mute just to see if I can catch a glimpse of Justin's ass or something). 

I don't think that friends with benefits typically pan out in real life, at least not for long. It's likely it will turn out like some of the people in Jurassic Park (like the guy who plays Newman from Sienfeld - I'm pretty sure he was eaten by a T-Rex or the raptors - God, how good is the raptor in the kitchen scene? Still so intense when I think about it like 15 years later).  

Or if the friendship doesn't crash and burn completely it may forever be scared or mangled or complicated like the dorky kid gone off the deep end to become a villain in The Incredibles (which was on last night...PS - how amazing is  Edna Mode's character?).

someone else's breakdown of FWB

I'm not saying in the moment it's not fun or that it isn't possible that it could work, or even that it could work out...but I think overall when I'm thinking about it with a clear and sober mind it's best to be avoided.

Also, I think this is slightly different than a drunken one time thing.  

I know of a lot of situations where friends can be drunk and misinterpret this drunkeness for a real connection...one thing leads to another and the morning comes and it's like "woops".  

This is far less damaging generally than repeated encounters, however, it's true that the physical connection may cause ripples for a while, and even again when each of those people moves onto other relationships.

So where does this leave single people who have a healthy sexual appetite and don't want to continue, or start, a string of one-night stands?  

Well, for this I actually don't have much of a suggestion as I'm not an expert on navigating this gray area despite some years of...err...research.  

My guess is patience, exercise, cold showers and maybe a brief stint with religion could do the trick...or at least find some good looking and willing acquaintances. 

Well, at least I've got exercise.

Until next time,

E (with benefits)

PS. Please share (anonymously if you'd prefer) what your FWB experience has been...successful? "no strings attached"? Let me know!

Thanksgiving Eve - Get your reunion on.

Tomorrow kicks off the holiday season, which as you know, is the whirlwind of money spending, holiday food eating, reuniting and well, drinking.

The night before Thanksiving (Thanksgiving Eve/Reunion Night/Hey, How You Been Night), is when everyone is back in their hometown after sometimes a year or so (unless of course you live there...).  

Most hometowns have their hot spot for Wednesday night where most people congregate for an informal reunion of sorts.  

Since Facebook is what connects us all (check out how FB has made the 7 degrees of seperation...SMALLER), the "need" for this reunion, or the amount that you can talk about is reduced.  I can ask you how you're doing, but the likely case is for the most part I know what part of the city you live in, if you're dating, if you're working, and what your general weight is (and if it's changed) since the last time I saw you.

This makes the Hey, how you been? question a bit less authentic and more small talk than it ever was...and I'm pretty sure it's always been that way, in some capacity.

It is nice, though, to have an excuse to see people from childhood that you don't typically go out of the way of seeing, but I feel the pleasantries are nice and nostalgic.  

For those of you who didn't like high school, maybe you avoid this night all together or it's anxiety provoking because you're not really sure how you'll be received, or you could not care less about the folks going.  I encourage you to go out and give people another shot, who knows who you might connect with.

I enjoy going, I loved high school, actually.  For the most part it is an excuse to see my friends, and an opportunity to connect with people I haven't in ages.  

This year I'm really going to work on being extra non-judgmental.  

I mean typically I'm not really, but I'm hoping that my non-judgement is reciprocated when people ask "so where are you living" and I tell them "around the corner with my mah".  

Maybe they'll have read this by then and not even ask me.  Maybe they'll have read this by then and still ask me and pass judgement.  Either way, we're all in different places in our lives, so F off if you care that much about my financial situation. Okie? :)

Next year around this time (is my guess) we'll be having our official 10 year reunion.  

I just threw up in my mouth a little.  

Yeah, we're getting old.  You know who you are.

Two years ago was the last time that I was willing to go to our Thanksgiving Eve "hotspot" because I realized that some of the people I babysat for when I was younger were drunk and LEGAL to do so, and that everyone looked about 12 years old, and about 90 lbs.  Bleh.

So last year I decided, with friends, to branch out from where we had been going essentially since the middle of college...and it was a much quieter, more adult, you could actually walk around the bar without literally bumping and pushing people who knew you when you were awkward, and overall a more friendly time.  We'll see where we all end up this year, I might feel the need to do a bit of bar/restaurant hopping to get the right feel/combo of people.  We'll see.  

**Also, as a friendly reminder, the next couple days are really dangerous for drunk driving.  Since you'll be home, don't be ashamed to ask Mom or Dad or your little sister to come pick you up...it's better than missing Thanksgiving all-together.  This time of year marks the loss of some people I know as a result of driving accidents, so take care, drink responsibly, and drive safely.**

Speaking of, the holiday season can be anniversaries of things, or bring up memories of things that can be really tough for people.  You would think that it would be all fun and games, but for people who have painful memories of family members who are no longer with us, or remembering  fighting over the dinner table, or remember financial troubles around this time, it can be a tough time.  There are things in my life that have made parts of this season painful, but I refuse to let anything tarnish my Thanksgiving day, I will only let it be enjoyable.

Thanksgiving happens to be my favorite holiday, mostly because of the stuffing (which I'm not even sure I can eat, more about this in a post coming soon).  A couple of my cousins won't be making it this year, but otherwise for the most part my whole mom's side of the family gets together and eats and drinks and enjoys our time.  

My grandmother always asks us to go around and share what we're thankful for which makes us squirm a little, but frankly we need to do this. We need to remember what we're thankful for.  There are so many things in our lives we complain about, wish were different, envy about others, and take advantage of, that we need to take the time (more frequently, frankly) and remind ourselves of this. 

I'm thankful for: my supportive family (extended and immediate), my friends who I can tell anything to and they love me anyway, my friends who I'm getting closer to, or have known me forever and who I so appreciate having a great time with, for my bosses for being great supports of my new career and encouraging me to be a great therapist (and showing me how by example), for my overall health and well being, for the health of most of the people I care about (and for those who are sick or passed away, for my opportunity to know and love them when they were healthy and alive, I'm thankful for my luck, my opportunities, my failures I've learned from and the future I have ahead of me...just to name a few.

I asked Facebook what people were thankful for, and only a handful of people answered.  I was pretty surprised by this, I might ask again.  As of today the common answers were health, family, friends and job.  I have to say, if you've got 3 of 4 of those things, you're doing pretty well...sadly not everyone has those.  Please feel free to post a comment about what you're thankful for, I think it encourages others to think about it and when we write these things I think it's helpful for us too (hence why I even have a blog in the first place).

Cheers, be well, be thankful and happy holiday season kick off.

Until next time,
Thankfull-E

PS. I can't write about Thanksgiving without at least acknowledging this:

The one thing that does somewhat tarnish Thanksgiving (and means we just need to be even MORE thankful) is that Thanksgiving has a dark past.  Like Columbus Day I think there are many things wrong with celebrating the deceiving, taking advantage of and killing of almost an entire race of people.  But I'll leave politics/history/controversy at the door, and let myself enjoy the holiday, seeing family, probably some of you, and some of my other friends.  

I'll admit it, I love my hometown.

Just to calm your worries that I've gone off the deep end, I'm actually doing okay and appreciating literally where I am...

Yesterday we celebrated my mom's 50th birthday.  In short, she is an amazing lady.  I'm very fortunate that she's my mom and my friend (and so far a great roommate, too).

I was so excited to give her the present I got for her, that I gave it to her before I left for work (which was my first day!), versus at dinner.  Hopefully she'll get some great use and joy out of the sailing membership I got her!  She hasn't been sailing is some 30 years, but used to love it and teach it at a summer camp off the coast.

We ate at this nice restaurant attached to the mall (that has been redone a couple of times since I was a kid) which had outdoor seating, delicious food, and even better wine.  Oh, the wine.

Buzzed, we decided to walk through the mall to sober up and look for shoes for work/fun/summer.  I landed a pair of Michael Kors shoes that I'm now obsessed with enough I'd like to wear them around the house.

We had some fun playing around with hats and sunglasses that looked hilarious on us in Nordstrom, and laughed until our stomach muscles burned. Gotta love wine.  "Everyone can look like Julia Roberts dahling".  I was worried we might get kicked out.  Haha, well maybe you had to be there.

Last night was one of those summer nights where you can't tell if it's cool or not because it's a bit humid.  On my drive home after our buzzes wore off, things were quiet and still...except for my Civic.  Windows down, music blasting and my arm windsurfing as I drove through the tree lined streets of my hometown.

I flashed back to amazing memories of high school.


Walking through the halls of our school, being a part of the 420 or so of us that made up our class, bonfires, nights at the hut and tressel,  football games, the excitement of liking someone new, school dances, sports, my teams, being so sore at field hockey camp you couldn't walk up the stairs to your room, laughing, the same lunch table every day, driving around in a caravan of cars looking for something to do, 24 hour BK, decorating friends cars with cones from road construction, sledding down the aqueduct, ice cream cake police fake outs, parties - so many parties (keep your eyes open for a post about parties, soon), knowing where you can park your car and be near invisible to do whatever, knowing where you need to avoid parking your car, early release days walking to get pizza, not having a worry in the world but feeling like everything was the biggest deal, the video store I worked at, sneaking out the window at night (mom, you already know about this), crushes on my friends' older siblings and their friends, tackle football nights, getting into trouble for acting your age, not getting into trouble for things you should have...

This large town, which is very diverse in all senses (race/ethnicity, socio-economic status, religion, nation of origin, occupations, life path's, etc), has provided me with a wonderful community to be brought up in.  There are parts of it that are beautiful and green, which I've appreciated so much more now that I had lived in the city for so long, there are parts that are city-like, there are parts you shouldn't go after dusk, and there are parts where when you drive by you can't help remember the good ol' days.

Last night, I became overcome by thankfulness that this is where I grew up and even more profoundly, that the closest friends in my life were given to me in the simplest of circumstances.  I posted a status on facebook that was similar to this posts sentiment, and several people commented and liked it, so I figured I might as well share it here.

What's more heart warming than the beauty of parts of the town, is the people that fill it or used to fill it, and have been wonderful parts of my life.

This past year alone there have been a number of deaths that have shaken our community. Every time a large part of my class gets together to support the loved ones, we always say that we have to stop meeting like this....and it's true.  We need to start having happy occasions bringing us together.  Hopefully I can round everyone up for our reunion next year at the very least.

We've been very fortunate, however, that our class has stayed so close.

In high school, like all high schools, we had our groups.  Those groups from what I can tell have stayed in tact for the most part, with some overlapping and branching out.

Very few of us went really far away and stayed there.  Most have ended up back in our town or in the city 22 miles away, and still hang out with our close friends from home.

My college friends, my work friends from my advertising days, and even my grad school friends, didn't often identify with still being very close with those from home.  Of course people still had friends from their own childhoods, but most of their friends were from college or after.  I'd say 90% of my large friend circle (I feel blessed by the amount of people I can call my good friends, not just on Facebook) is all from pre-school through high school.

I wonder if this is a unique phenomenon for our community since it's so large that our bonds had to be really strong? Or since we had some adversity and loss in high school days and since, that we're all 'in this together'?...I don't know what it is, but I like it that aspect of my community.

We've all changed a great deal since high school, but it's like we've all grown together since then.  Given the recent get-togethers (though seemingly for terrible reasons) I think I've noticed that there are people that I wasn't very close with in high school that I could see myself enjoying being closer friends with now.

At the risk of sounding like a townie (it's always said so negatively, but frankly in this town it's just recognizing a good thing, in my opinion)...I'll admit it, I love my hometown.

As I settle into this town again for these next few months or so, I'm looking forward to spending some time in my old stomping grounds, seeing some of the people that are here still, seeing people when they visit their families, and appreciating the trees.  So let me know when you're in town.

I'm definitely missing the city, but feeling a bit more relaxed about the whole thing now that the move is over.

...and hey, one of the best benefits of the suburbs? I can wear heels to and from work without commuter flats, because I'm in the car versus walking.  At this point I'll take it.

Until next time,
Hometown girl, E